( If only Basil knew the depth of how much animosity was between the three of them. It isn't something he has the courage or feels like he has the right to interfere with. The only thing he wants is for their to be peace and friendship between all of them. It's a dream, albeit it might be impossible at this point. He knows that.
His expression softens at what Kel says next. It always feels like Kel's trying so hard for everyone elses sake. The entire time Basil has been here, he's gone out of his way to make him feel comfortable – reassuring him that it's what he wants. )
I--hope you don't forget that you deserve happiness, too. ( Basil starts quietly. ) But, it's-- okay if you forget. I'll be there with you to remind you, and... to help you find happiness, too.
( It's a quiet promise that he wants to keep. Even if Kel insists that he's alright otherwise. The both of them may not have been so close beforehand, but that's changed here. Kel's someone that Basil leans on, and in turn he wants to do everything he can for him. It might not be much, but the notion is there and it won't go away any time soon.
But, when Aubrey's brought up – Basil finds it hard to breath. ) N... No, you're--
( Wrong, he's wrong. )
I-I'm the worst. ( His breath catches in his throat again, and he feels his heart sinking. It's hard to stand, and he feels himself sink to the ground. ) I-It's okay if... Aubrey thinks that... Because it's true. ( If it wasn't for him, things could have been different. He knows he's done something terrible. Maybe things could have worked out for the better in some way if he had handled everything in another way. ) I-It'd be better if I had-- just disappeared... before everything changed. Everyone could have found happiness then.
( Quickly, he uses his arms to wipe his tears away. He'd been thinking this for so long. It's what he wanted to do at home. The thought of dying scares him, but the thought of his loved ones suffering any further – it scares him even more.
His focus is no longer on anything else Kel has to say, it's not reaching him at this point. Basil wants nothing more than to just shut himself away – to find a place where he can sort all of this out alone. That's what he's used to at this point. That's how he's wanted to handle it – without worrying anyone else with how he feels. )
[It's not animosity... not from Kel's side. He loves those two idiots so much- it would be so much easier if he didn't love Sunny so much, if he didn't care so much about Aubrey as well... but he does and the constant tension and fighting and miscommunication is really starting to wear him down.
But that's not important right now. He has a friend to support and that's the most important thing.]
But I am happy- you guys are in my life, how many times do I have to repeat myself in saying that's all I want and need? And- well, then, I'm counting on you to remind me the important things, mh? Let's all find happiness!
[And man what follows is... harsh. It's the same soup of his conversation with Sunny, just worded in a different way- and it feels different because Sunny was... more composed, more in control. Basil seems more prone to break down and there is no hidden Omori that Kel knows of to protect him from... this. What is he even supposed to say? How does someone 'fix' this?]
Basil, it's not true... [no, that's not the right way. Right? It didn't work with Hero when he was crying about feeling the reason Mari was dead, no amount of 'it's not your fault for not noticing' managed to heal him. But then again, what else can he do beside focusing on the positives? that's his job, that's what he's expected to do...] I think without you here I'd be just miserable right now.
[And he can tell Basil is shutting off, pushing him away, and he's tempted to grab Marigold and pushing him between the other's arms for a moment- but instead he opts to try to pull Basil between his arms. He didn't even know if the other could hear him at the moment...]
I have seen how many people love you, Basil, even if you cannot see it right now. And... I know things went wrong when they changed, but... what happened wasn't your fault, was it? Like all of us, you were trying your best...
[Which meant covering a murder, but Kel doesn't feel like saying that.]
Basil, I don't have the right words for this but... I'm glad, so glad, you're still here with us. With me. Thank you for being so strong for this entire time. And I get it, there's a lot of pain, but know I'm willing to fight with you and for you.
( Basil is pulled into Kel's arms -- and it feels like he's once against surrounded by warm comfort. Basil's so small in comparison that all he wants to do is close his eyes and let himself accept his kindness. At the same time, he wants to run away and curl up into himself.
He closes his eyes then, a pained whimper escaping him.
It was. It was his fault. Nothing can change that. And if Kel knew the truth, he'd hate him too. )
I...
I... I want to believe you Kel. I... I do... ( But the truth is that he's a coward. He doesn't know how to dig himself out of this hole, and he doesn't have the strength to do it alone. )
[He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to say, he knows that every time he tried he got someone angry at him. Sunny and Kel don't talk anymore, Kel and Hero had a fight when he really tried to help his brother, but he can't help but keep doing his best. He lifts one hand up to caress the other's hair, mostly buying himself time while he thinks of something, anything to do.
this really is NOT the moment to go 'I saw you stab Sunny and I'm still here, even if it almost escaped his lips.]
It's... okay if you don't. For now. I will do my best to prove you how important you are. For me, for the others. I know it's hard, sometimes, to love yourself, but... as long as you'll need it? I will be right here beside you, ready to give you a little push should you need it, mh?
[He can be the most supportive friend when he wants to. He can... he doens't feel like he knows Basil well enough. He doesn't know where to step, what to do, and he feels like calling in Aubrey and Sunny would be a terrible idea right now. This is a moment for Basil to mourn and cry.
( Basil leans into that touch, Marigold settling against Basil with a loud purr in the meantime. It's comforting enough for him to feel the exhaustion that had been threatening to overtake him for some time now. He wants to curl up into that embrace and stay there for as long as he can. )
I... I don't know... There's no way out of this. ( It isn't Kel's fault that that's Basil's answer. He never wants him to feel like it is. But, it's an honest answer. )
But-- ( He swallows, hesitating. He wants to keep being truthful, but he's scared. )
There's... There's no one else I... I want to be with right now. I'm so glad that you're here.
[Okay. That's still better than how things went with Sunny. As Basil leans against him, Kel lifts one hand up to cup the other's cheek, caressing it. Act like Hero Would and all, right kel? Oh, his brother would know how to handle this, but... he would also suffer too much for the truth, woudnl't he? The best of both worlds is trying to have Kel replace Hero for awhile.]
There always is a way out. Just because we can't see it now, it doesn't mean we won't find it in the end. And... and we can keep searching together, mh? I'm not letting you go.
[Kel has been receptive to all his friends, as much as hes been able to at least, and this is no different. He wants to go out, scream, wonder if the 'no way out' is referred to Something, but that will all wait.]
I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as well, trust me. I love you very much, Basil, we're friends and nothing- nothing i going to chance that. And, huh... thank you. for sharing so much with me.
( Kel loves him. The words hurt and heal him all at once. It's a strange feeling, but it's one he never wants to let go of. )
I... I love you too, Kel. I love you-- so much. ( There's sleep lacing his voice at this point, exhaustion is evident. His touch is enough to lull anyone to sleep, he thinks. He finally looks up at him, curling further against Kel. Eventually, they need to get up and say their good nights, but for now... ) Thank you... For not letting me run away.
[When the other looks up, his instinct tells him to smile, even if he is not okay. He ruffles the other's hair, aware that whatever adrenaline or energy was keeping Basil up is now running low- it has been a talk and he had no way to address the real issue too, but... one step at the time.]
Mhm. We're two friends who really, really love each other and that's beautiful,isn't it? So let's be strong together.
[With that, Kel merely bends a little, trying to pick up the other between his arms. He needs time to process his own thoughts, about.. Something. About Basil's words. About... everything. And the best way is getting the other to rest and then possible stare at the ceiling for a while and internally scream as much as he needs.]
I'm glad you allowed me to stay. But you seem tired, want to rest together for a while? I can keep an eye open and make sure- [Marigold climbs up, one way or another, jumping beteen Basil's arms.] Nothing weird comes closer.
( Sleeping in the same bed... It sounds nice, but Basil feels his heart race a bit at the thought. He's never really shared a bed with anyone. Sure, he hung out with Sunny in his room dozens of times. But, this was different.
Kel moves to pick Basil up, and small sound of surprise escapes him. )
I... Is that what you want...? ( Basil idly pets Marigold then. He's still close to Kel, gripping at his sleeve with a shaky hand. )
I'm okay to just take Marigold...
( He trusts Kel. It can't be complete trust. There's still so much that he's keeping from him. But... that's for the best. He still has to protect Sunny. )
[Good friends tuck each other in bed, right? He and Hero did that all the time, this is no different. And he will be honest, he knows Sunny had a housemate and Aubrey and Kenma and others- but he doesn't really want to leave Basil on his own (even with Marigold) when the other pretty much dumped a lot of uneasy stuff on him.]
Yeah. I promised I'd be there for you tonight, right? If you need to sleep, if you need to cry, we can handle it all together.
[He's not blind to the shaky hand, the smile feels strangely heavy and difficult to keep on his face. But he is the positive one, he has to look confident when he says all will be well.]
Marigold can come with us. He'll be with us and keep you safe too, mh? Come on, let's see if you can have some nice dreams after all...
[He will probably not be able to sleep. At all. Bt he can take Basil to his own bed with the cat can keep them there until morning. He... doesn't really want to leave the other alone when- how is he even supposed to address suicidal thoughts, guilt, delusions, potential hallucinations or potential long armed demons and... all this?
As selfish as it sounds, Keeping Basil right there, under his watch, is also a way for Kel to keep himself grounded. He's not even waiting for a proper response before moving to his messy room and trying to properly tuck both blonde teen and cat in his bed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
BIG SUICIDE CW
His expression softens at what Kel says next. It always feels like Kel's trying so hard for everyone elses sake. The entire time Basil has been here, he's gone out of his way to make him feel comfortable – reassuring him that it's what he wants. )
I--hope you don't forget that you deserve happiness, too. ( Basil starts quietly. ) But, it's-- okay if you forget. I'll be there with you to remind you, and... to help you find happiness, too.
( It's a quiet promise that he wants to keep. Even if Kel insists that he's alright otherwise. The both of them may not have been so close beforehand, but that's changed here. Kel's someone that Basil leans on, and in turn he wants to do everything he can for him. It might not be much, but the notion is there and it won't go away any time soon.
But, when Aubrey's brought up – Basil finds it hard to breath. ) N... No, you're--
( Wrong, he's wrong. )
I-I'm the worst. ( His breath catches in his throat again, and he feels his heart sinking. It's hard to stand, and he feels himself sink to the ground. ) I-It's okay if... Aubrey thinks that... Because it's true. ( If it wasn't for him, things could have been different. He knows he's done something terrible. Maybe things could have worked out for the better in some way if he had handled everything in another way. ) I-It'd be better if I had-- just disappeared... before everything changed. Everyone could have found happiness then.
( Quickly, he uses his arms to wipe his tears away. He'd been thinking this for so long. It's what he wanted to do at home. The thought of dying scares him, but the thought of his loved ones suffering any further – it scares him even more.
His focus is no longer on anything else Kel has to say, it's not reaching him at this point. Basil wants nothing more than to just shut himself away – to find a place where he can sort all of this out alone. That's what he's used to at this point. That's how he's wanted to handle it – without worrying anyone else with how he feels. )
OH BOI
But that's not important right now. He has a friend to support and that's the most important thing.]
But I am happy- you guys are in my life, how many times do I have to repeat myself in saying that's all I want and need? And- well, then, I'm counting on you to remind me the important things, mh? Let's all find happiness!
[And man what follows is... harsh. It's the same soup of his conversation with Sunny, just worded in a different way- and it feels different because Sunny was... more composed, more in control. Basil seems more prone to break down and there is no hidden Omori that Kel knows of to protect him from... this. What is he even supposed to say? How does someone 'fix' this?]
Basil, it's not true... [no, that's not the right way. Right? It didn't work with Hero when he was crying about feeling the reason Mari was dead, no amount of 'it's not your fault for not noticing' managed to heal him. But then again, what else can he do beside focusing on the positives? that's his job, that's what he's expected to do...] I think without you here I'd be just miserable right now.
[And he can tell Basil is shutting off, pushing him away, and he's tempted to grab Marigold and pushing him between the other's arms for a moment- but instead he opts to try to pull Basil between his arms. He didn't even know if the other could hear him at the moment...]
I have seen how many people love you, Basil, even if you cannot see it right now. And... I know things went wrong when they changed, but... what happened wasn't your fault, was it? Like all of us, you were trying your best...
[Which meant covering a murder, but Kel doesn't feel like saying that.]
Basil, I don't have the right words for this but... I'm glad, so glad, you're still here with us. With me. Thank you for being so strong for this entire time. And I get it, there's a lot of pain, but know I'm willing to fight with you and for you.
[That's what friends are for, right?]
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He closes his eyes then, a pained whimper escaping him.
It was. It was his fault. Nothing can change that. And if Kel knew the truth, he'd hate him too. )
I...
I... I want to believe you Kel. I... I do... ( But the truth is that he's a coward. He doesn't know how to dig himself out of this hole, and he doesn't have the strength to do it alone. )
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this really is NOT the moment to go 'I saw you stab Sunny and I'm still here, even if it almost escaped his lips.]
It's... okay if you don't. For now. I will do my best to prove you how important you are. For me, for the others. I know it's hard, sometimes, to love yourself, but... as long as you'll need it? I will be right here beside you, ready to give you a little push should you need it, mh?
[He can be the most supportive friend when he wants to. He can... he doens't feel like he knows Basil well enough. He doesn't know where to step, what to do, and he feels like calling in Aubrey and Sunny would be a terrible idea right now. This is a moment for Basil to mourn and cry.
why is this all so hard?]
Basil... what can I do for you? To help you?
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I... I don't know... There's no way out of this. ( It isn't Kel's fault that that's Basil's answer. He never wants him to feel like it is. But, it's an honest answer. )
But-- ( He swallows, hesitating. He wants to keep being truthful, but he's scared. )
There's... There's no one else I... I want to be with right now. I'm so glad that you're here.
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There always is a way out. Just because we can't see it now, it doesn't mean we won't find it in the end. And... and we can keep searching together, mh? I'm not letting you go.
[Kel has been receptive to all his friends, as much as hes been able to at least, and this is no different. He wants to go out, scream, wonder if the 'no way out' is referred to Something, but that will all wait.]
I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as well, trust me. I love you very much, Basil, we're friends and nothing- nothing i going to chance that. And, huh... thank you. for sharing so much with me.
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I... I love you too, Kel. I love you-- so much. ( There's sleep lacing his voice at this point, exhaustion is evident. His touch is enough to lull anyone to sleep, he thinks. He finally looks up at him, curling further against Kel. Eventually, they need to get up and say their good nights, but for now... ) Thank you... For not letting me run away.
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Mhm. We're two friends who really, really love each other and that's beautiful,isn't it? So let's be strong together.
[With that, Kel merely bends a little, trying to pick up the other between his arms. He needs time to process his own thoughts, about.. Something. About Basil's words. About... everything. And the best way is getting the other to rest and then possible stare at the ceiling for a while and internally scream as much as he needs.]
I'm glad you allowed me to stay. But you seem tired, want to rest together for a while? I can keep an eye open and make sure- [Marigold climbs up, one way or another, jumping beteen Basil's arms.] Nothing weird comes closer.
[A pause.]
Thank you. For trusting me.
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Kel moves to pick Basil up, and small sound of surprise escapes him. )
I... Is that what you want...? ( Basil idly pets Marigold then. He's still close to Kel, gripping at his sleeve with a shaky hand. )
I'm okay to just take Marigold...
( He trusts Kel. It can't be complete trust. There's still so much that he's keeping from him. But... that's for the best. He still has to protect Sunny. )
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Yeah. I promised I'd be there for you tonight, right? If you need to sleep, if you need to cry, we can handle it all together.
[He's not blind to the shaky hand, the smile feels strangely heavy and difficult to keep on his face. But he is the positive one, he has to look confident when he says all will be well.]
Marigold can come with us. He'll be with us and keep you safe too, mh? Come on, let's see if you can have some nice dreams after all...
[He will probably not be able to sleep. At all. Bt he can take Basil to his own bed with the cat can keep them there until morning. He... doesn't really want to leave the other alone when- how is he even supposed to address suicidal thoughts, guilt, delusions, potential hallucinations or potential long armed demons and... all this?
As selfish as it sounds, Keeping Basil right there, under his watch, is also a way for Kel to keep himself grounded. He's not even waiting for a proper response before moving to his messy room and trying to properly tuck both blonde teen and cat in his bed.]