[Yet he gets it, all of Kel's friendship. To be honest, the taller teen is just so glad he didn't burn bridges like he did with Sunny, there. He's so glad Basil was receptive to his affection instead of pushing him away, because if at least one of the two has a vague idea of what's going on maybe they can work things together. He wants his friends to be happy, he wants his siblings to be happy, that's all...
When the other wipes his tears away, he feels jealous- he wishes he was able to do the same- but the only time he cried since he arrived there? It was in front of Aubrey and it was ugly.]
No need to push them away in front of me, mh? If you feel you want to cry, you can cry.
[Better than the alternative. God, what was he even supposed to do about 'Something'? What even was that thing? A hallucination for sure but why? It doesn't matter, he tells himself as he shakes his head and smiles.]
It's not your fault and I don't think I had any proper way to... explain that. I'm so happy knowing you and Sunny and possibly Aubrey have a chance to be close again, I just need to learn to ignore my guts. And thank you for listening.
[He pauses, there. He doesn't want Sunny and Basil to be around each other and that's such a horrible, horrible feeling. He always pushes it down because it's just not fair, but he's not strong enough to risk losing either of them again and- he can't control how he feels.]
I want to believe you're right. And I want to believe you can also find happiness and peace- [He bites his lips, there. Only in this place, huh?] but not just in this place, Basil. We can't just give up home and run away, even if things can be rough. I know happiness awaits us there as well, we just have to work on it. And we can because, like here, we can be together.
If Sunny ends up moving? We'll visit him every weekend, I promise I'll work hard with part time stuff to have money for the tickets for both of us, in case. He's not getting rid of us. [His friends better work on their school grades, he knows he's not going anywhere with his own so...] And when we're of age we can just move there and be a general nuisance anyway, right? And we have Hero and Polly there, who also love us very much- I know Polly just works for you, Basil, but I've seen how much she cares about you.
We don't know if we can stay, Basil, so let's... let's not completely lose hope about our old life too, mh? I swear I'm not abandoning you here nor there. We're friends and- last time- [He admitted it to Sunny, he should be honest with Basil.] When Mari died, Hero was in shambles. We spent a year trying to get him back on his legs and I failed you all and let you all alone. I won't repeat the same mistake,it's a promise.
[Smiling is difficult, incredibly so, but he also doesn't know how to default to anything else in moments like this. He nods and leans closer, resting his head against the other's shoulder just for a moment.]
I am... so glad you listened. It's already enough for me. I'm so glad you're here as well, Basil. There.. there is a lot we still have to talk about, but we can take things slowly. I... there is just one thing. If I have to protect you and Sunny I have to know what I'm looking for, right?
[One sphere of water detaches from their improvised couch, lazily floating at Basil's side. The superficial tension is stronger than normal so even the other should be able to manipulate it without getting wet, basically just touching something extremely malleable.]
This... bastard. Do you think you can show me what it looks like? If not, it's okay. I will figure things out. But I'd like to know what's been haunting the two of you so I can protect you two better.
cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
( It's all warm words, and Basil wants to believe in all of them. He feels like the moment Sunny moves away, the moment he'll be left alone again with their secret. He'll be left with the memories of that day when Something first appeared. There was a lot that's pushed him to want to disappear -- his Grandma's condition, the bullying, but the weight of that day has been so much that sometimes it feels like it could consume him.
Kel mentioning all the people who care for him makes him recall the fact that he's trying so hard for the people who care for him. He's never been someone who wants to burden anyone, whether it be with worry or anything else that would be negative. In a sense, Basil wanting to hide how he feels is just another way of protecting those who matter. But... it seems like he does that regardless.
He wants to beg Sunny not to leave, but he knows that... it's for the best. He knows that Sunny deserves a fresh start. He knows he's the worst for wanting to cling to a friendship that no longer exists.
He doesn't want to go home. He doesn't ever want to go home. This world is scary and dangerous, but he doesn't feel the same emptiness or hopelessness that he felt at home. He doesn't ever want to tell Kel or Sunny. He's scared to tell Aubrey. It's a secret he can manage to keep. He's lied for this long, hasn't he? )
I... I know. I trust you Kel -- I do. I'll always be here to listen to you if you need to talk to someone. I promise.
Surprising Sunny... It'd be nice... I-I know that he'd be really happy to see his friends... If Aubrey and Hero come with us, then it'd be a lot like old times.
( He takes in a breath, leaning his head again Kel. )
Everything will be okay, won't it? ( Kel makes him want to truly believe that. He ended up with a habit of saying for Sunny's sake -- eventually repeating it for himself. When he had first said it... he had asked Sunny, wishing for his friend to be there for him, just as he was for him. Sunny was in so much shock back then, Basil never blamed him for not saying anything in response.
But Kel makes him want to believe it.
He straightens when Kel asks him to recreate something, tensing up. A hand goes to his shoulders -- and for a moment, he looks scared. )
... Okay. B-But, you can count on me, too Kel. I want to be able to protect you, too - just like you've protected me. Everyone's already gone through so much...
( Still, he'll reach for the water. The feeling of the liquid under his fingertips is a strange sensation. Despite the fact that it's water, it's firm enough to shape it. It takes him a while, but he takes the time to mold what looks to be the shape of a person - long, skinny hands seemingly reaching for both of them, Basil attempting to create what looks to be long hair covering its features.
He knows that Sunny and Basil are the only ones that can see it. They're the only ones who are haunted by it.
The longer he works on the water-sculpture, the more tense he seems to be. His back straightens, and in some moments it's as though he forgets to breathe. He he finishes, he steps away, not quite yet joining Kel on the make-shift water cushion just yet. )
T... There. It's done.
Edited 2024-07-30 05:58 (UTC)
Re: cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
[He allows the other to lean in and he rests his cheek on top of Basil's head. Everything sucks, he feels like alll the bandages he put on his heart durinig the years after Mari's death have been ripped away and the wounds are bleeding again. Still... he can hide those. He failed when, twenty or so day after Mari's death, he had to celebrate his first birthday alone, eating a single cupcake in front of her grave- and the preacher realized how upset he was and joined him. He failed when he shown his weaknkesses around Aubrey since he arrived, more than once. He... definitely didn't keep it together when Sunny got hurt... but he can be strong for the others...
In a certain sense Kel and Basil are similar, aren't they? Their methods may be incredibly different but both of them are trying so hard for those they love. But Kel wants to go back, even if things are difficult he believes that being sstrong toogether is the best thing they can do. Running away solves nothing, desperately clinging to the idea that a new world will magically make things better is also so... false.
If they run away every time something goes wrong, they'll never stop running.]
I am grateful for that. And... it's okay. Things will be so well once we go home.. That's what the wish I am bound to is for, you know? [Can he give hope like that? It's a wrong wish, but he can word it a bit better with Basil.. he DOE want to change it, after all.] For the four people I love the most to find happiness. So... should this Vaeros thing account to anything, there will be an extra parachute for you guys. And even if wishes don't come true, I prommise I will always be there, even back home, and I'm not waiting again to approach you guys. We're a team.
[He smiles instinctively, things are going to be rough once they go home. He wouldn't be surprised if SUnny's mom was to push Basil away. He will deal with that when the time comes.]
Right? We can just visit him, play together, make plans for the future together... we could even all move in together once you and Aubrey are old enough to attend college, we just have to see the various options. I can probably find some kind of job too, I'm not good at school, so... that's something to look forward to, maybe?
[Positive outlooks, positive outlooks- he had to be the Hero of the situation. Kel shifted just enough to kiss the top of Basil's head.]
Everything will be. You are strong, Basil, more than you realize. And we are even stronger as a group. We will defeat Something and craft our happily ever after. Which may just be five dudes living together and eating pizza every other night.
[He doesn't think It's such an easy thing to obtain, but he will try to talk about the good things that may happen, not the bad ones.]
Thank you, Basil. I believe in you. Just know I'm very resilient, okay? I don't really need much protection, I'm a simple person and bad things don't stick too much with me- and now I have a goal, right? We have to defeat Something. Together!
[Then the Thing takes shape and he doesn't know what to think about it. Thee long, long hair... the long, long arms. He's almost positive nothing like that exists in their world. He burns every single feature in his mind, he binds to his brain the shape of the water and how it dances and he... makes it disappear. He dooesn't like how the other tensed up- real or not, he can tell Basil is afraid of that.
Shit, they really, REALLY overestimated the stability of basil's mind, huh? Too focused on Sunny to notice...]
You... have been very brave, dealing with that thing the entire time. I... Basil. you don't have to answer this but you said it shows up when things go wrong, but you haven't been there for the fight with Sunny so... did it hurt you? Before?
[He would choose another, more specific question, but he can't give away too much]
( Kel's so close. Everything about him is warm and comforting. The more time they spend with one another, the more that Basil doesn't want to let that go. He wants to protect that part of him more than anything else. Basil's spent so much time alone, withdrawing from everyone out of fear. He knew at that moment that Aubrey confessed to feeling alone that he should have been there for everyone.
But, you can't... change the past. No matter how many times Basil wishes it were so. He wants to make up for that time now.
He wants to believe that things will be alright. He knows that it won't be that simple, especially given the fight between himself and Sunny. He really is the worst, isn't he? He should have never done anything to hurt Sunny. He had so much hope when Sunny came back. Why why why would he do something to endanger that?
He has to ask Sunny. He has to. )
… If it comes true, m-maybe... Maybe things can be different. If he has the power to change things.
( Perhaps that fateful night will change, and Mari will be alive if they can go back. Everything fell apart after that day. Even thinking about it feels impossible. It's nothing he wants to entertain – not again. He's played the scenarios in his head so many times of what things would be like if he had arrived at Sunny's house just a minute sooner. ) I...
( He feels his voice break, and he feels how his fingers ball into fists over Kel's clothing. )
Y... You always.... know what to say to make everything feel okay. I promise that I'll be there too.... As long as I can. I want to do what you've done for me for you.
( He freezes when he mentions Aubrey, heart sinking at the thought. )
… Yeah-- uhm... Maybe. ( He... promised Kel that he'd try to be honest, didn't he? He hesitates, biting his lower lip. ) I... I don't know, Kel. I... think that Aubrey h-hates me. ( But, it's something Basil feels for himself, too. ) But, I've never blamed her for it.
( How could he not think that? After that day when they were supposed to study, all he wanted to do was avoid her. He couldn't muster the strength to say anything. He was so scared. All he had wanted to do was run away. And then, she'd found those photos... Something had tried to erase those memories that they shared – those precious memories that would be a keepsake of the time they spent with Mari. )
I-It's okay if she does.
( He doesn't think that it's possible for anyone else except for himself and Sunny to tackle the problems that they're having. But, he appreciates it. He knows that Kel will find a way to protect Sunny in any way that he can.
He freezes at his question. He hasn't sat down next to Kel yet. Marigold has stood, waiting for Basil to sit back down, but he isn't thinking about it. )
N-No. But – it's... always there. Whenever something bad happens, that's the reason for it. I-- ( He tenses up again, fingers balling into fists around his clothing, Basil looking downward. ) I... I was so happy when Sunny came back. But... it's-- it's the reason why he's leaving. It's trying to take him away again. I... I can't let it. Sunny wouldn't leave me on his own, after all this time! He's not like that, Kel!
[It's Okay. It's okay because Kel is not letting any of his friends go as long as he can. And Basil may be the only friend he has left, of the original Faraway gang, that still stands him. God, it hurts so much, but he can't change things as well, he can only face the fact Sunny hates him now, probably, and that who knows when they'll talk again since Kel had the wonderful idea of telling him to contact him first.
He can just roll forward with the little he has, right?
He will already regret NOT asking Basil not to tell Sunny later, because of course this will be yet another knife in his friendship with the other teen but... h there is so much coming out in this conversation and he can barely keep track of it all.]
If he has the power to change things, then I'll be blessed with the knowledge you guys will be happy. If he is a fraud... then we will build our own happiness together, mh? I know things can't be perfect, they never are, but even if we all are like pieces of a broken vase we can still be put back together. I have faith in our friend group!
[He does not, not anymore, even if he loves them so much. He misses the Aubrey that curled against him and Hero during the hospital days, he misses the Sunny who managed to speak the truth after so long. All was just bitter and wrong on so many ways for him. Kel wishes he knew what to do to make things better, truly. But he can just... be postive and hope for the best.]
Oh, please, you already are. You are my friend, what else should I ask for?
[See? Simple as that. A big smile and the confirmation he didn't need much to be happy. The smile falters as that big about Aubrey is mentioned. they... they're being honest. About things in general, even if the Truth is still out there and kept hidden inside.]
She does not. I think she's... worried. [He glances away.] When I arrived here it was shortly after Sunny woke up. And I thought she was from my same... moment in time. So I mentioned the hospital and other things, she's... been worried. I can't imagine her hating you, I can imagine her being awkward for so many things. She actually... has been a great help in keeping me grounded when I was... not well. But not once she gave me the impression of actually hating you.
Hell, it's really hard to hate someone like you, Basil, you know? [He hopes, hopes and hopes not to be wrong in this sense.] And if she has issues with you, I'll get in the way, promise. There's no one she likes to fight more than me in our group. to be honest, I doubt me and Aubrey would have ever been friends without you and the other guys.
[The rest of the conversation makes him feel... somber. It's hard to keep a neutral expression and listen when the other is clearly speaking nonsense. It's a delusion, something to blame for things going wrong. Still, he will embrace that for the moment.]
Always... Basil, do you think this... thing is cause of Sunny's misfortune, then? Because our friend had a lot to deal with, lately. [He's vague, but he doesn't know how to phrase it better.] And... it's not Sunny's choice, you know that, right? Part of the fight I had with him was about him not wanting to leave- but we're all minors and if his mom sold the house that's not something he has any voice on the matter.
[Just trying to be rational, there. But then again, if he thinks of Sunny's mom he thinks about her not showing up at the hospital and the possible legal issues Basil will have to deal with should she choose to... do anything about the situation. YEP, pushing that one down for now.]
Sunny loves us. And we love Sunny, right? It's not a simple distance that will take him away- [He has the water pushing him standing up and tries to reach for Basil's hands, leaving Marigold on the couch behind.] Something may be in the way of our bond, but it will not break it. We're stronger than that, aren't we?
( If only Basil knew the depth of how much animosity was between the three of them. It isn't something he has the courage or feels like he has the right to interfere with. The only thing he wants is for their to be peace and friendship between all of them. It's a dream, albeit it might be impossible at this point. He knows that.
His expression softens at what Kel says next. It always feels like Kel's trying so hard for everyone elses sake. The entire time Basil has been here, he's gone out of his way to make him feel comfortable – reassuring him that it's what he wants. )
I--hope you don't forget that you deserve happiness, too. ( Basil starts quietly. ) But, it's-- okay if you forget. I'll be there with you to remind you, and... to help you find happiness, too.
( It's a quiet promise that he wants to keep. Even if Kel insists that he's alright otherwise. The both of them may not have been so close beforehand, but that's changed here. Kel's someone that Basil leans on, and in turn he wants to do everything he can for him. It might not be much, but the notion is there and it won't go away any time soon.
But, when Aubrey's brought up – Basil finds it hard to breath. ) N... No, you're--
( Wrong, he's wrong. )
I-I'm the worst. ( His breath catches in his throat again, and he feels his heart sinking. It's hard to stand, and he feels himself sink to the ground. ) I-It's okay if... Aubrey thinks that... Because it's true. ( If it wasn't for him, things could have been different. He knows he's done something terrible. Maybe things could have worked out for the better in some way if he had handled everything in another way. ) I-It'd be better if I had-- just disappeared... before everything changed. Everyone could have found happiness then.
( Quickly, he uses his arms to wipe his tears away. He'd been thinking this for so long. It's what he wanted to do at home. The thought of dying scares him, but the thought of his loved ones suffering any further – it scares him even more.
His focus is no longer on anything else Kel has to say, it's not reaching him at this point. Basil wants nothing more than to just shut himself away – to find a place where he can sort all of this out alone. That's what he's used to at this point. That's how he's wanted to handle it – without worrying anyone else with how he feels. )
[It's not animosity... not from Kel's side. He loves those two idiots so much- it would be so much easier if he didn't love Sunny so much, if he didn't care so much about Aubrey as well... but he does and the constant tension and fighting and miscommunication is really starting to wear him down.
But that's not important right now. He has a friend to support and that's the most important thing.]
But I am happy- you guys are in my life, how many times do I have to repeat myself in saying that's all I want and need? And- well, then, I'm counting on you to remind me the important things, mh? Let's all find happiness!
[And man what follows is... harsh. It's the same soup of his conversation with Sunny, just worded in a different way- and it feels different because Sunny was... more composed, more in control. Basil seems more prone to break down and there is no hidden Omori that Kel knows of to protect him from... this. What is he even supposed to say? How does someone 'fix' this?]
Basil, it's not true... [no, that's not the right way. Right? It didn't work with Hero when he was crying about feeling the reason Mari was dead, no amount of 'it's not your fault for not noticing' managed to heal him. But then again, what else can he do beside focusing on the positives? that's his job, that's what he's expected to do...] I think without you here I'd be just miserable right now.
[And he can tell Basil is shutting off, pushing him away, and he's tempted to grab Marigold and pushing him between the other's arms for a moment- but instead he opts to try to pull Basil between his arms. He didn't even know if the other could hear him at the moment...]
I have seen how many people love you, Basil, even if you cannot see it right now. And... I know things went wrong when they changed, but... what happened wasn't your fault, was it? Like all of us, you were trying your best...
[Which meant covering a murder, but Kel doesn't feel like saying that.]
Basil, I don't have the right words for this but... I'm glad, so glad, you're still here with us. With me. Thank you for being so strong for this entire time. And I get it, there's a lot of pain, but know I'm willing to fight with you and for you.
( Basil is pulled into Kel's arms -- and it feels like he's once against surrounded by warm comfort. Basil's so small in comparison that all he wants to do is close his eyes and let himself accept his kindness. At the same time, he wants to run away and curl up into himself.
He closes his eyes then, a pained whimper escaping him.
It was. It was his fault. Nothing can change that. And if Kel knew the truth, he'd hate him too. )
I...
I... I want to believe you Kel. I... I do... ( But the truth is that he's a coward. He doesn't know how to dig himself out of this hole, and he doesn't have the strength to do it alone. )
[He doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to say, he knows that every time he tried he got someone angry at him. Sunny and Kel don't talk anymore, Kel and Hero had a fight when he really tried to help his brother, but he can't help but keep doing his best. He lifts one hand up to caress the other's hair, mostly buying himself time while he thinks of something, anything to do.
this really is NOT the moment to go 'I saw you stab Sunny and I'm still here, even if it almost escaped his lips.]
It's... okay if you don't. For now. I will do my best to prove you how important you are. For me, for the others. I know it's hard, sometimes, to love yourself, but... as long as you'll need it? I will be right here beside you, ready to give you a little push should you need it, mh?
[He can be the most supportive friend when he wants to. He can... he doens't feel like he knows Basil well enough. He doesn't know where to step, what to do, and he feels like calling in Aubrey and Sunny would be a terrible idea right now. This is a moment for Basil to mourn and cry.
( Basil leans into that touch, Marigold settling against Basil with a loud purr in the meantime. It's comforting enough for him to feel the exhaustion that had been threatening to overtake him for some time now. He wants to curl up into that embrace and stay there for as long as he can. )
I... I don't know... There's no way out of this. ( It isn't Kel's fault that that's Basil's answer. He never wants him to feel like it is. But, it's an honest answer. )
But-- ( He swallows, hesitating. He wants to keep being truthful, but he's scared. )
There's... There's no one else I... I want to be with right now. I'm so glad that you're here.
[Okay. That's still better than how things went with Sunny. As Basil leans against him, Kel lifts one hand up to cup the other's cheek, caressing it. Act like Hero Would and all, right kel? Oh, his brother would know how to handle this, but... he would also suffer too much for the truth, woudnl't he? The best of both worlds is trying to have Kel replace Hero for awhile.]
There always is a way out. Just because we can't see it now, it doesn't mean we won't find it in the end. And... and we can keep searching together, mh? I'm not letting you go.
[Kel has been receptive to all his friends, as much as hes been able to at least, and this is no different. He wants to go out, scream, wonder if the 'no way out' is referred to Something, but that will all wait.]
I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as well, trust me. I love you very much, Basil, we're friends and nothing- nothing i going to chance that. And, huh... thank you. for sharing so much with me.
( Kel loves him. The words hurt and heal him all at once. It's a strange feeling, but it's one he never wants to let go of. )
I... I love you too, Kel. I love you-- so much. ( There's sleep lacing his voice at this point, exhaustion is evident. His touch is enough to lull anyone to sleep, he thinks. He finally looks up at him, curling further against Kel. Eventually, they need to get up and say their good nights, but for now... ) Thank you... For not letting me run away.
[When the other looks up, his instinct tells him to smile, even if he is not okay. He ruffles the other's hair, aware that whatever adrenaline or energy was keeping Basil up is now running low- it has been a talk and he had no way to address the real issue too, but... one step at the time.]
Mhm. We're two friends who really, really love each other and that's beautiful,isn't it? So let's be strong together.
[With that, Kel merely bends a little, trying to pick up the other between his arms. He needs time to process his own thoughts, about.. Something. About Basil's words. About... everything. And the best way is getting the other to rest and then possible stare at the ceiling for a while and internally scream as much as he needs.]
I'm glad you allowed me to stay. But you seem tired, want to rest together for a while? I can keep an eye open and make sure- [Marigold climbs up, one way or another, jumping beteen Basil's arms.] Nothing weird comes closer.
( Sleeping in the same bed... It sounds nice, but Basil feels his heart race a bit at the thought. He's never really shared a bed with anyone. Sure, he hung out with Sunny in his room dozens of times. But, this was different.
Kel moves to pick Basil up, and small sound of surprise escapes him. )
I... Is that what you want...? ( Basil idly pets Marigold then. He's still close to Kel, gripping at his sleeve with a shaky hand. )
I'm okay to just take Marigold...
( He trusts Kel. It can't be complete trust. There's still so much that he's keeping from him. But... that's for the best. He still has to protect Sunny. )
[Good friends tuck each other in bed, right? He and Hero did that all the time, this is no different. And he will be honest, he knows Sunny had a housemate and Aubrey and Kenma and others- but he doesn't really want to leave Basil on his own (even with Marigold) when the other pretty much dumped a lot of uneasy stuff on him.]
Yeah. I promised I'd be there for you tonight, right? If you need to sleep, if you need to cry, we can handle it all together.
[He's not blind to the shaky hand, the smile feels strangely heavy and difficult to keep on his face. But he is the positive one, he has to look confident when he says all will be well.]
Marigold can come with us. He'll be with us and keep you safe too, mh? Come on, let's see if you can have some nice dreams after all...
[He will probably not be able to sleep. At all. Bt he can take Basil to his own bed with the cat can keep them there until morning. He... doesn't really want to leave the other alone when- how is he even supposed to address suicidal thoughts, guilt, delusions, potential hallucinations or potential long armed demons and... all this?
As selfish as it sounds, Keeping Basil right there, under his watch, is also a way for Kel to keep himself grounded. He's not even waiting for a proper response before moving to his messy room and trying to properly tuck both blonde teen and cat in his bed.]
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When the other wipes his tears away, he feels jealous- he wishes he was able to do the same- but the only time he cried since he arrived there? It was in front of Aubrey and it was ugly.]
No need to push them away in front of me, mh? If you feel you want to cry, you can cry.
[Better than the alternative. God, what was he even supposed to do about 'Something'? What even was that thing? A hallucination for sure but why? It doesn't matter, he tells himself as he shakes his head and smiles.]
It's not your fault and I don't think I had any proper way to... explain that. I'm so happy knowing you and Sunny and possibly Aubrey have a chance to be close again, I just need to learn to ignore my guts. And thank you for listening.
[He pauses, there. He doesn't want Sunny and Basil to be around each other and that's such a horrible, horrible feeling. He always pushes it down because it's just not fair, but he's not strong enough to risk losing either of them again and- he can't control how he feels.]
I want to believe you're right. And I want to believe you can also find happiness and peace- [He bites his lips, there. Only in this place, huh?] but not just in this place, Basil. We can't just give up home and run away, even if things can be rough. I know happiness awaits us there as well, we just have to work on it. And we can because, like here, we can be together.
If Sunny ends up moving? We'll visit him every weekend, I promise I'll work hard with part time stuff to have money for the tickets for both of us, in case. He's not getting rid of us. [His friends better work on their school grades, he knows he's not going anywhere with his own so...] And when we're of age we can just move there and be a general nuisance anyway, right? And we have Hero and Polly there, who also love us very much- I know Polly just works for you, Basil, but I've seen how much she cares about you.
We don't know if we can stay, Basil, so let's... let's not completely lose hope about our old life too, mh? I swear I'm not abandoning you here nor there. We're friends and- last time- [He admitted it to Sunny, he should be honest with Basil.] When Mari died, Hero was in shambles. We spent a year trying to get him back on his legs and I failed you all and let you all alone. I won't repeat the same mistake,it's a promise.
[Smiling is difficult, incredibly so, but he also doesn't know how to default to anything else in moments like this. He nods and leans closer, resting his head against the other's shoulder just for a moment.]
I am... so glad you listened. It's already enough for me. I'm so glad you're here as well, Basil. There.. there is a lot we still have to talk about, but we can take things slowly. I... there is just one thing. If I have to protect you and Sunny I have to know what I'm looking for, right?
[One sphere of water detaches from their improvised couch, lazily floating at Basil's side. The superficial tension is stronger than normal so even the other should be able to manipulate it without getting wet, basically just touching something extremely malleable.]
This... bastard. Do you think you can show me what it looks like? If not, it's okay. I will figure things out. But I'd like to know what's been haunting the two of you so I can protect you two better.
cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
Kel mentioning all the people who care for him makes him recall the fact that he's trying so hard for the people who care for him. He's never been someone who wants to burden anyone, whether it be with worry or anything else that would be negative. In a sense, Basil wanting to hide how he feels is just another way of protecting those who matter. But... it seems like he does that regardless.
He wants to beg Sunny not to leave, but he knows that... it's for the best. He knows that Sunny deserves a fresh start. He knows he's the worst for wanting to cling to a friendship that no longer exists.
He doesn't want to go home. He doesn't ever want to go home. This world is scary and dangerous, but he doesn't feel the same emptiness or hopelessness that he felt at home. He doesn't ever want to tell Kel or Sunny. He's scared to tell Aubrey. It's a secret he can manage to keep. He's lied for this long, hasn't he? )
I... I know. I trust you Kel -- I do. I'll always be here to listen to you if you need to talk to someone. I promise.
Surprising Sunny... It'd be nice... I-I know that he'd be really happy to see his friends... If Aubrey and Hero come with us, then it'd be a lot like old times.
( He takes in a breath, leaning his head again Kel. )
Everything will be okay, won't it? ( Kel makes him want to truly believe that. He ended up with a habit of saying for Sunny's sake -- eventually repeating it for himself. When he had first said it... he had asked Sunny, wishing for his friend to be there for him, just as he was for him. Sunny was in so much shock back then, Basil never blamed him for not saying anything in response.
But Kel makes him want to believe it.
He straightens when Kel asks him to recreate something, tensing up. A hand goes to his shoulders -- and for a moment, he looks scared. )
... Okay. B-But, you can count on me, too Kel. I want to be able to protect you, too - just like you've protected me. Everyone's already gone through so much...
( Still, he'll reach for the water. The feeling of the liquid under his fingertips is a strange sensation. Despite the fact that it's water, it's firm enough to shape it. It takes him a while, but he takes the time to mold what looks to be the shape of a person - long, skinny hands seemingly reaching for both of them, Basil attempting to create what looks to be long hair covering its features.
He knows that Sunny and Basil are the only ones that can see it. They're the only ones who are haunted by it.
The longer he works on the water-sculpture, the more tense he seems to be. His back straightens, and in some moments it's as though he forgets to breathe. He he finishes, he steps away, not quite yet joining Kel on the make-shift water cushion just yet. )
T... There. It's done.
Re: cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
In a certain sense Kel and Basil are similar, aren't they? Their methods may be incredibly different but both of them are trying so hard for those they love. But Kel wants to go back, even if things are difficult he believes that being sstrong toogether is the best thing they can do. Running away solves nothing, desperately clinging to the idea that a new world will magically make things better is also so... false.
If they run away every time something goes wrong, they'll never stop running.]
I am grateful for that. And... it's okay. Things will be so well once we go home.. That's what the wish I am bound to is for, you know? [Can he give hope like that? It's a wrong wish, but he can word it a bit better with Basil.. he DOE want to change it, after all.] For the four people I love the most to find happiness. So... should this Vaeros thing account to anything, there will be an extra parachute for you guys. And even if wishes don't come true, I prommise I will always be there, even back home, and I'm not waiting again to approach you guys. We're a team.
[He smiles instinctively, things are going to be rough once they go home. He wouldn't be surprised if SUnny's mom was to push Basil away. He will deal with that when the time comes.]
Right? We can just visit him, play together, make plans for the future together... we could even all move in together once you and Aubrey are old enough to attend college, we just have to see the various options. I can probably find some kind of job too, I'm not good at school, so... that's something to look forward to, maybe?
[Positive outlooks, positive outlooks- he had to be the Hero of the situation. Kel shifted just enough to kiss the top of Basil's head.]
Everything will be. You are strong, Basil, more than you realize. And we are even stronger as a group. We will defeat Something and craft our happily ever after. Which may just be five dudes living together and eating pizza every other night.
[He doesn't think It's such an easy thing to obtain, but he will try to talk about the good things that may happen, not the bad ones.]
Thank you, Basil. I believe in you. Just know I'm very resilient, okay? I don't really need much protection, I'm a simple person and bad things don't stick too much with me- and now I have a goal, right? We have to defeat Something. Together!
[Then the Thing takes shape and he doesn't know what to think about it. Thee long, long hair... the long, long arms. He's almost positive nothing like that exists in their world. He burns every single feature in his mind, he binds to his brain the shape of the water and how it dances and he... makes it disappear. He dooesn't like how the other tensed up- real or not, he can tell Basil is afraid of that.
Shit, they really, REALLY overestimated the stability of basil's mind, huh? Too focused on Sunny to notice...]
You... have been very brave, dealing with that thing the entire time. I... Basil. you don't have to answer this but you said it shows up when things go wrong, but you haven't been there for the fight with Sunny so... did it hurt you? Before?
[He would choose another, more specific question, but he can't give away too much]
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But, you can't... change the past. No matter how many times Basil wishes it were so. He wants to make up for that time now.
He wants to believe that things will be alright. He knows that it won't be that simple, especially given the fight between himself and Sunny. He really is the worst, isn't he? He should have never done anything to hurt Sunny. He had so much hope when Sunny came back. Why why why would he do something to endanger that?
He has to ask Sunny. He has to. )
… If it comes true, m-maybe... Maybe things can be different. If he has the power to change things.
( Perhaps that fateful night will change, and Mari will be alive if they can go back. Everything fell apart after that day. Even thinking about it feels impossible. It's nothing he wants to entertain – not again. He's played the scenarios in his head so many times of what things would be like if he had arrived at Sunny's house just a minute sooner. ) I...
( He feels his voice break, and he feels how his fingers ball into fists over Kel's clothing. )
Y... You always.... know what to say to make everything feel okay. I promise that I'll be there too.... As long as I can. I want to do what you've done for me for you.
( He freezes when he mentions Aubrey, heart sinking at the thought. )
… Yeah-- uhm... Maybe. ( He... promised Kel that he'd try to be honest, didn't he? He hesitates, biting his lower lip. ) I... I don't know, Kel. I... think that Aubrey h-hates me. ( But, it's something Basil feels for himself, too. ) But, I've never blamed her for it.
( How could he not think that? After that day when they were supposed to study, all he wanted to do was avoid her. He couldn't muster the strength to say anything. He was so scared. All he had wanted to do was run away. And then, she'd found those photos... Something had tried to erase those memories that they shared – those precious memories that would be a keepsake of the time they spent with Mari. )
I-It's okay if she does.
( He doesn't think that it's possible for anyone else except for himself and Sunny to tackle the problems that they're having. But, he appreciates it. He knows that Kel will find a way to protect Sunny in any way that he can.
He freezes at his question. He hasn't sat down next to Kel yet. Marigold has stood, waiting for Basil to sit back down, but he isn't thinking about it. )
N-No. But – it's... always there. Whenever something bad happens, that's the reason for it. I-- ( He tenses up again, fingers balling into fists around his clothing, Basil looking downward. ) I... I was so happy when Sunny came back. But... it's-- it's the reason why he's leaving. It's trying to take him away again. I... I can't let it. Sunny wouldn't leave me on his own, after all this time! He's not like that, Kel!
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He can just roll forward with the little he has, right?
He will already regret NOT asking Basil not to tell Sunny later, because of course this will be yet another knife in his friendship with the other teen but... h there is so much coming out in this conversation and he can barely keep track of it all.]
If he has the power to change things, then I'll be blessed with the knowledge you guys will be happy. If he is a fraud... then we will build our own happiness together, mh? I know things can't be perfect, they never are, but even if we all are like pieces of a broken vase we can still be put back together. I have faith in our friend group!
[He does not, not anymore, even if he loves them so much. He misses the Aubrey that curled against him and Hero during the hospital days, he misses the Sunny who managed to speak the truth after so long. All was just bitter and wrong on so many ways for him. Kel wishes he knew what to do to make things better, truly. But he can just... be postive and hope for the best.]
Oh, please, you already are. You are my friend, what else should I ask for?
[See? Simple as that. A big smile and the confirmation he didn't need much to be happy. The smile falters as that big about Aubrey is mentioned. they... they're being honest. About things in general, even if the Truth is still out there and kept hidden inside.]
She does not. I think she's... worried. [He glances away.] When I arrived here it was shortly after Sunny woke up. And I thought she was from my same... moment in time. So I mentioned the hospital and other things, she's... been worried. I can't imagine her hating you, I can imagine her being awkward for so many things. She actually... has been a great help in keeping me grounded when I was... not well. But not once she gave me the impression of actually hating you.
Hell, it's really hard to hate someone like you, Basil, you know? [He hopes, hopes and hopes not to be wrong in this sense.] And if she has issues with you, I'll get in the way, promise. There's no one she likes to fight more than me in our group. to be honest, I doubt me and Aubrey would have ever been friends without you and the other guys.
[The rest of the conversation makes him feel... somber. It's hard to keep a neutral expression and listen when the other is clearly speaking nonsense. It's a delusion, something to blame for things going wrong. Still, he will embrace that for the moment.]
Always... Basil, do you think this... thing is cause of Sunny's misfortune, then? Because our friend had a lot to deal with, lately. [He's vague, but he doesn't know how to phrase it better.] And... it's not Sunny's choice, you know that, right? Part of the fight I had with him was about him not wanting to leave- but we're all minors and if his mom sold the house that's not something he has any voice on the matter.
[Just trying to be rational, there. But then again, if he thinks of Sunny's mom he thinks about her not showing up at the hospital and the possible legal issues Basil will have to deal with should she choose to... do anything about the situation. YEP, pushing that one down for now.]
Sunny loves us. And we love Sunny, right? It's not a simple distance that will take him away- [He has the water pushing him standing up and tries to reach for Basil's hands, leaving Marigold on the couch behind.] Something may be in the way of our bond, but it will not break it. We're stronger than that, aren't we?
BIG SUICIDE CW
His expression softens at what Kel says next. It always feels like Kel's trying so hard for everyone elses sake. The entire time Basil has been here, he's gone out of his way to make him feel comfortable – reassuring him that it's what he wants. )
I--hope you don't forget that you deserve happiness, too. ( Basil starts quietly. ) But, it's-- okay if you forget. I'll be there with you to remind you, and... to help you find happiness, too.
( It's a quiet promise that he wants to keep. Even if Kel insists that he's alright otherwise. The both of them may not have been so close beforehand, but that's changed here. Kel's someone that Basil leans on, and in turn he wants to do everything he can for him. It might not be much, but the notion is there and it won't go away any time soon.
But, when Aubrey's brought up – Basil finds it hard to breath. ) N... No, you're--
( Wrong, he's wrong. )
I-I'm the worst. ( His breath catches in his throat again, and he feels his heart sinking. It's hard to stand, and he feels himself sink to the ground. ) I-It's okay if... Aubrey thinks that... Because it's true. ( If it wasn't for him, things could have been different. He knows he's done something terrible. Maybe things could have worked out for the better in some way if he had handled everything in another way. ) I-It'd be better if I had-- just disappeared... before everything changed. Everyone could have found happiness then.
( Quickly, he uses his arms to wipe his tears away. He'd been thinking this for so long. It's what he wanted to do at home. The thought of dying scares him, but the thought of his loved ones suffering any further – it scares him even more.
His focus is no longer on anything else Kel has to say, it's not reaching him at this point. Basil wants nothing more than to just shut himself away – to find a place where he can sort all of this out alone. That's what he's used to at this point. That's how he's wanted to handle it – without worrying anyone else with how he feels. )
OH BOI
But that's not important right now. He has a friend to support and that's the most important thing.]
But I am happy- you guys are in my life, how many times do I have to repeat myself in saying that's all I want and need? And- well, then, I'm counting on you to remind me the important things, mh? Let's all find happiness!
[And man what follows is... harsh. It's the same soup of his conversation with Sunny, just worded in a different way- and it feels different because Sunny was... more composed, more in control. Basil seems more prone to break down and there is no hidden Omori that Kel knows of to protect him from... this. What is he even supposed to say? How does someone 'fix' this?]
Basil, it's not true... [no, that's not the right way. Right? It didn't work with Hero when he was crying about feeling the reason Mari was dead, no amount of 'it's not your fault for not noticing' managed to heal him. But then again, what else can he do beside focusing on the positives? that's his job, that's what he's expected to do...] I think without you here I'd be just miserable right now.
[And he can tell Basil is shutting off, pushing him away, and he's tempted to grab Marigold and pushing him between the other's arms for a moment- but instead he opts to try to pull Basil between his arms. He didn't even know if the other could hear him at the moment...]
I have seen how many people love you, Basil, even if you cannot see it right now. And... I know things went wrong when they changed, but... what happened wasn't your fault, was it? Like all of us, you were trying your best...
[Which meant covering a murder, but Kel doesn't feel like saying that.]
Basil, I don't have the right words for this but... I'm glad, so glad, you're still here with us. With me. Thank you for being so strong for this entire time. And I get it, there's a lot of pain, but know I'm willing to fight with you and for you.
[That's what friends are for, right?]
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He closes his eyes then, a pained whimper escaping him.
It was. It was his fault. Nothing can change that. And if Kel knew the truth, he'd hate him too. )
I...
I... I want to believe you Kel. I... I do... ( But the truth is that he's a coward. He doesn't know how to dig himself out of this hole, and he doesn't have the strength to do it alone. )
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this really is NOT the moment to go 'I saw you stab Sunny and I'm still here, even if it almost escaped his lips.]
It's... okay if you don't. For now. I will do my best to prove you how important you are. For me, for the others. I know it's hard, sometimes, to love yourself, but... as long as you'll need it? I will be right here beside you, ready to give you a little push should you need it, mh?
[He can be the most supportive friend when he wants to. He can... he doens't feel like he knows Basil well enough. He doesn't know where to step, what to do, and he feels like calling in Aubrey and Sunny would be a terrible idea right now. This is a moment for Basil to mourn and cry.
why is this all so hard?]
Basil... what can I do for you? To help you?
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I... I don't know... There's no way out of this. ( It isn't Kel's fault that that's Basil's answer. He never wants him to feel like it is. But, it's an honest answer. )
But-- ( He swallows, hesitating. He wants to keep being truthful, but he's scared. )
There's... There's no one else I... I want to be with right now. I'm so glad that you're here.
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There always is a way out. Just because we can't see it now, it doesn't mean we won't find it in the end. And... and we can keep searching together, mh? I'm not letting you go.
[Kel has been receptive to all his friends, as much as hes been able to at least, and this is no different. He wants to go out, scream, wonder if the 'no way out' is referred to Something, but that will all wait.]
I wouldn't want to be with anyone else as well, trust me. I love you very much, Basil, we're friends and nothing- nothing i going to chance that. And, huh... thank you. for sharing so much with me.
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I... I love you too, Kel. I love you-- so much. ( There's sleep lacing his voice at this point, exhaustion is evident. His touch is enough to lull anyone to sleep, he thinks. He finally looks up at him, curling further against Kel. Eventually, they need to get up and say their good nights, but for now... ) Thank you... For not letting me run away.
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Mhm. We're two friends who really, really love each other and that's beautiful,isn't it? So let's be strong together.
[With that, Kel merely bends a little, trying to pick up the other between his arms. He needs time to process his own thoughts, about.. Something. About Basil's words. About... everything. And the best way is getting the other to rest and then possible stare at the ceiling for a while and internally scream as much as he needs.]
I'm glad you allowed me to stay. But you seem tired, want to rest together for a while? I can keep an eye open and make sure- [Marigold climbs up, one way or another, jumping beteen Basil's arms.] Nothing weird comes closer.
[A pause.]
Thank you. For trusting me.
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Kel moves to pick Basil up, and small sound of surprise escapes him. )
I... Is that what you want...? ( Basil idly pets Marigold then. He's still close to Kel, gripping at his sleeve with a shaky hand. )
I'm okay to just take Marigold...
( He trusts Kel. It can't be complete trust. There's still so much that he's keeping from him. But... that's for the best. He still has to protect Sunny. )
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Yeah. I promised I'd be there for you tonight, right? If you need to sleep, if you need to cry, we can handle it all together.
[He's not blind to the shaky hand, the smile feels strangely heavy and difficult to keep on his face. But he is the positive one, he has to look confident when he says all will be well.]
Marigold can come with us. He'll be with us and keep you safe too, mh? Come on, let's see if you can have some nice dreams after all...
[He will probably not be able to sleep. At all. Bt he can take Basil to his own bed with the cat can keep them there until morning. He... doesn't really want to leave the other alone when- how is he even supposed to address suicidal thoughts, guilt, delusions, potential hallucinations or potential long armed demons and... all this?
As selfish as it sounds, Keeping Basil right there, under his watch, is also a way for Kel to keep himself grounded. He's not even waiting for a proper response before moving to his messy room and trying to properly tuck both blonde teen and cat in his bed.]