[He just wants to help. He just wants to help. He wants to help.
[Sometimes Aubrey doesn’t want help.
[When they’d met out here, Aubrey had sent him church-ways. A blessing and a curse that, thanks to Kel, he hasn’t been so alone. They live close now. He can’t be kept away forever.
[He wouldn’t want that, anyway.]
[Aubrey’s quiet for a while, trying to steady her breath. It hurts. She only ever wanted him to talk to her. It hurts. Basil’s not her friend. He wants to help, and it just—
[She tries to force a sigh and it comes out as a sob. Furious, Aubrey wipes at her eyes and stands, floorboards creaking below. When Sunny learned Basil was alive, he wailed. She doesn’t want to see him. It’s not fair.]
Just… can you just be good for him? For Sunny? [Much as frustration underpins them, the words come out as a plea.] That’s all. Don’t hurt him....
That was all he wanted. Even now, he still wants to be someone he could depend on -- someone who would be there for him no matter what.
But, it's not that simple. He can't give any sort implication that it isn't. )
I--
( His eyes drift away. )
... I... Instead of me... ( He swallows, and his knees feel a little weak right now. ) I think that... it's really good that-- he has both you and Kel.
( What's happened... It's not something that can just be fixed. He wants nothing more to be friends with Sunny again, and he doesn't think that he'll never not care deeply for him. The next words come out quickly, nearly frustrated. )
I've never wanted to hurt him! S... Sunny's been always been a good friend... I've only wanted to do the same for him....
[“Complicated.” An answer. A non-answer. Some semblance of rage churns but never surfaces. Kel didn’t seem to know much more, really.
[It’s not much better, not knowing.]
He… [Aubrey trails off. He cares for him. Deeply. That’s half the problem, isn’t it?
[He’s not a burden.]
You were never a burden, Basil. [That’s what she says.] Not to me.
[Can’t speak for Sunny, though. Not now. Fuck. She wants to cry again.]
But, look— [Aubrey swallows.] Whatever you did to make you feel that way, you have to live with that. And I think… one way or another, this place will make you face it.
[Running away didn’t work for her. Sleeping for years (four years) didn’t work for Sunny.]
Forget whether you’re a burden or not. You’re here.
( "You were never a burden." The words hit harder than he would have anticipated - and he quickly raises a wrist to rub his eyes. He's not one to want to cry in front of others.
He's been facing all of this on his own for so long. It's gotten to be too much for him. That's why at home, he planned to...
He takes in a breath for a moment. Everything will be okay. )
I-I know that when the time comes for that... I can't run away.
( Aubrey's so strong. He thinks that, even now. He always wanted to be a little more like her. Even though her words are firm, there's a sort of kindness to him tht makes his chest constrict and warm all at once. )
... Thank you, Aubrey. Even after everything I said, you were the one who ended up helping me, in the end.
[He rubs his eyes, and for a moment Aubrey thinks he heard it the way she didn’t mean: “You were never a burden,” not then, but maybe…
[He’s not a burden, but that’s what Aubrey’s gotten good at anyway—treating him like one. Ignoring him. Talking down to him. Dragging him into her space and demanding he answer for what no one can—
[He thanks her.
[She stares at him like she doesn’t understand. He keeps talking. She doesn’t understand.
[He should really hate her.]
A-alright.
[Aubrey takes a step back. Another. Back thumps against wall and her breath catches as if she’s startled, and she’s not, and she’s covered her face with a hand before the first tears can escape. She doesn’t like crying in front of people, either; always felt worse at holding back than him.]
[“Later.” Bizarre, how that’s the word that gets her—to stifle it, that is. He’s not offering to stay now, in this heavy and hellish moment, who should be listening to whom be damned. He can listen; just not now.
[It feels like a consolation. A compromise. Aubrey can handle that.
[She wipes her eyes with a fist.]
Sure. Later.
[Back to watching the ground, then. Aubrey reaches for the door, and opens it for him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[He just wants to help. He just wants to help. He wants to help.
[Sometimes Aubrey doesn’t want help.
[When they’d met out here, Aubrey had sent him church-ways. A blessing and a curse that, thanks to Kel, he hasn’t been so alone. They live close now. He can’t be kept away forever.
[He wouldn’t want that, anyway.]
[Aubrey’s quiet for a while, trying to steady her breath. It hurts. She only ever wanted him to talk to her. It hurts. Basil’s not her friend. He wants to help, and it just—
[She tries to force a sigh and it comes out as a sob. Furious, Aubrey wipes at her eyes and stands, floorboards creaking below. When Sunny learned Basil was alive, he wailed. She doesn’t want to see him. It’s not fair.]
Just… can you just be good for him? For Sunny? [Much as frustration underpins them, the words come out as a plea.] That’s all. Don’t hurt him....
no subject
That was all he wanted. Even now, he still wants to be someone he could depend on -- someone who would be there for him no matter what.
But, it's not that simple. He can't give any sort implication that it isn't. )
I--
( His eyes drift away. )
... I... Instead of me... ( He swallows, and his knees feel a little weak right now. ) I think that... it's really good that-- he has both you and Kel.
( What's happened... It's not something that can just be fixed. He wants nothing more to be friends with Sunny again, and he doesn't think that he'll never not care deeply for him. The next words come out quickly, nearly frustrated. )
I've never wanted to hurt him! S... Sunny's been always been a good friend... I've only wanted to do the same for him....
no subject
[Of any answer he could possibly have given, “he has both you and Kel” is one of the last Aubrey would have expected.
[She stares at him. It’s sharp, but not quite a glare. Wh…?]
What do you mean, “wanted”? [Instead of him? Why can’t they all—?] So, what, you’ve hurt him—and now it’s a lost cause?
no subject
... Complicated. When it comes to Sunny. I... I don't want to burden him anymore.
( It feels like all he's really done is hurt him lately. )
no subject
[“Complicated.” An answer. A non-answer. Some semblance of rage churns but never surfaces. Kel didn’t seem to know much more, really.
[It’s not much better, not knowing.]
He… [Aubrey trails off. He cares for him. Deeply. That’s half the problem, isn’t it?
[He’s not a burden.]
You were never a burden, Basil. [That’s what she says.] Not to me.
[Can’t speak for Sunny, though. Not now. Fuck. She wants to cry again.]
But, look— [Aubrey swallows.] Whatever you did to make you feel that way, you have to live with that. And I think… one way or another, this place will make you face it.
[Running away didn’t work for her. Sleeping for years (four years) didn’t work for Sunny.]
Forget whether you’re a burden or not. You’re here.
no subject
He's been facing all of this on his own for so long. It's gotten to be too much for him. That's why at home, he planned to...
He takes in a breath for a moment. Everything will be okay. )
I-I know that when the time comes for that... I can't run away.
( Aubrey's so strong. He thinks that, even now. He always wanted to be a little more like her. Even though her words are firm, there's a sort of kindness to him tht makes his chest constrict and warm all at once. )
... Thank you, Aubrey. Even after everything I said, you were the one who ended up helping me, in the end.
no subject
[He rubs his eyes, and for a moment Aubrey thinks he heard it the way she didn’t mean: “You were never a burden,” not then, but maybe…
[He’s not a burden, but that’s what Aubrey’s gotten good at anyway—treating him like one. Ignoring him. Talking down to him. Dragging him into her space and demanding he answer for what no one can—
[He thanks her.
[She stares at him like she doesn’t understand. He keeps talking. She doesn’t understand.
[He should really hate her.]
A-alright.
[Aubrey takes a step back. Another. Back thumps against wall and her breath catches as if she’s startled, and she’s not, and she’s covered her face with a hand before the first tears can escape. She doesn’t like crying in front of people, either; always felt worse at holding back than him.]
You can… [Whispering, ragged.] …y-you can go now.
[He always could.]
no subject
It doesn't feel right, just leaving her when she's still upset. He bites his lower lip, frozen in place for a moment. )
I--
... I... If you need to talk-- later, Aubrey. I.... I can listen.
( He can at least do that much. )
no subject
[“Later.” Bizarre, how that’s the word that gets her—to stifle it, that is. He’s not offering to stay now, in this heavy and hellish moment, who should be listening to whom be damned. He can listen; just not now.
[It feels like a consolation. A compromise. Aubrey can handle that.
[She wipes her eyes with a fist.]
Sure. Later.
[Back to watching the ground, then. Aubrey reaches for the door, and opens it for him.]