[He prefers it this way, Kel doesn't want to be coddled, held, supported- his shoulders are large, he can carry his own burdens and his friends' ones if he wants. He's stable, more than the rest, Without Hero- and even with Hero after the truth comes out, he has to do his best to be the emotionally stable one. Even when it sucks.
Even when putting on a smile is the most difficult thing in the world.
But he does, should the other decide to look up- Kel must make sure he's greeted by a reassuring smile. One hand is raised to caress Basil's back- good. Let it all out. It hurts to see him like this but it's still better than- no, not thinking about that now.
He doesn't even know what to say, so for once he chooses silence to give Basil a chance to cry his heart out if needed, silently offering support through contact and closeness.]
( Basil's body shakes against Kel. It's been so much. For the first time in so long.... he hasn't felt alone. It takes a moment before Basil lets himself go, sniffling before the tears begin to fall, one by one.
Kel's so warm, and his embrace is so gentle. How could someone not feel comforted by it? It'd be difficult to push himself away at this point in time. The thought is a little scary, but... he wants to let himself depend on him.
He'll apologize later. He feels bad, worrying his friend like this. He... wants to make sure that Kel will be alright, too. )
[To think Kel is so glad the focus is away from him, there's nothing for Basil to apologize about. If anything, he'll be glad this conversation happened to begin with, at least to some degree, because while seeing any of his friends hurt like this was hell... this was progress, right? This was actually a step forward... right?
Basil crying didn't solve the 'Sunny' issue, nor did anything to fix Kel's nerves, but it gave him hope that it helped his friend know there was support, that he wasn't alone.
Kel turned just slightly, resting his cheek on the top of the other one's head. Give him and Aubrey a chance, you two...]
You know, it takes a lot of bravery to show one's feelings...
[No compliments, no condescending tone, but he's not letting go and he's trying to make sure the other knows right now there is no negative judging on his part, none at all.]
( Basil shakes against him, his grip tightening - as though if he lets go now, Kel will disappear. Was being able to let himself go really something brave? He feels far more fragile than he ever did.
He wants to respond, but it's difficult -- between the quiet sobs and the shaking, he can't. It takes a moment for him to calm himself down enough to speak. It's a little muffled, and he hasn't released his grip just yet. )
K... Kel... What you said earlier--
Can we... Can we talk for a while...? Is that really alright? ( All of this has already been so much. He doesn't want to ask more of him if he isn't ready for it. )
[Kel thinks it's really brave to cry. To allow themselves to be fragile in front of others, most people, himself include, don't want others to see their weaknesses.. He doesn't let go and holds the other close, merely shifting a bit when Basil's cat approaches, brushing himself against the gardener's legs. He wants to help too, it seems. Good Marigold. Because he needs something else to think about, too.
He doesn't want to talk about any of this anymore, he wants to move on, back to pretend everything was fine, but he took a big step with Basil and there is no coming back. He lifts up his bandaged hand and ruffles the other's hair in an affectionate manner, warm smile still not leaving his face. He wants to be left alone and find a place for himself-]
We can. We can talk about anything you want. Just... don't push yourself, mh? We can take all the breaks you need, shed all the tears you need to get outside and I will make sure to remind you at every step that everything will be okay.
( Basil finally pulls away then, using his hands to wipe away any remaining tears. He's a little bit embarrassed to cry in front of someone, but... he doesn't regret it, either. It was something he needed. )
Thank you, really. But--
K... Kel... If there's something on your mind... We can help each other. In the past, we used to rely on each other, didn't we...?
( Hesitantly, he reaches for that bandaged hand. He wants to take it into his. If... it's alright with Kel.
[He can be a good friend, a good big brother, even, no matter if Basil is older than him. Kel can only... try. He allows the other to hold his hand, but instead of just leaving it there, he brings it up to his lips, placing akiss against the back of Basil's hand- if the other will allow it. He's been awfully affectionate with all his friends, as long as they didn't push him away- he's better with actions than touches anyway when it comes to reassuring others.]
Yes. Yes we can. I want to rely on you and I want you to know I will always have your back no matter what- I will be honest, Basil, one of the most difficult things is... not being honest with you guys.
Lying takes a lot of efforts, even if you think you're doing it to protect someone.
[This is not even a callout toward Basil, this is literally what he experienced himself right now. He has no idea what was in Basil's head the entire time.]
We all help each other, mh? Ah, this is going to be.... a long evening, so let's get ourselves comfortable. I promise I- you are in the charge of the conversation, okay? I will try my best to answer you.
[And he pushes himself back, letting his body fall behind and bringing down Basil with himself- just to have the 'fall' almost immediately stopped by a large blob of water in what's a very improvised water bean couch what embraces them.
Marigold seems comfortable enough to jump on it and try to climb on them, trying to find the closest spot to Basil because 'shoo, uncle Kel, this is my dad and this is my job'. He's glad they have the cat.]
( Basil's cheeks heat up, heart jumping a bit at the affection. It's not something he's really all that used to... But, it's nice all the same.
He feels a knot tie in his throat then. He knows exactly what it means to lie for the sake of protecting someone. Was that post on Sleepr really all a lie, then? How much had he been lying to them? He'd be a hypocrite if he were upset about any of his friends lying.
He doesn't have time to think about it when he feels himself fall a bit, a soft sound of surprise leaving him when he finds himself on a rather firm body of water.
.... Kel's really become pretty strong, huh? When Basil first arrived, he only had shown him a bit of his magic... But, he's been training so hard. It's no wonder.
Marigold paws at Basil, and he offers a gentle pet in return. He gently takes Marigold into his arms, letting him curl up into his lap.
Where should he start? He's had so many questions... ) Thank you, Kel... But -- I'm here for you. A-And, we can take a break whenever you want. I promise.
( He takes in a breath, hesitating before asking what he does next. Kel had warned him that it would hurt to hear this. But... there's too many things that could've gone wrong. What could he have meant? The possibilities fill him with anxiety. )
What... What happened at home...? Why did Sunny end up staying?
[It's something Kel is good at, at least. Physical affection is his forte.
And... he floats there, looking at the ceiling and ignoring Marigold who is finding their perfect spot. At least the water relaxes him, he build good associations with the element and now he's just... starting to mix electricity with it. Kel won't share that with Basil for now, though, this isn't a talk about battle plans.
A deep breath escapes his lungs as he tries to find the proper words to answer, but in the end he just... pulls Basil closer, toward hsi chest. Sugarcoating things won't make them better.]
It's okay. I'm fine, Basil. I'm fine.
[He's not but right now it's just hard to speak.]
I- he got hurt. Both of you got hurt and went to the hospital.
[He pauses to let his words sink in to the other. His hold around Basil tightens just a little- they're alive, both here and back home. But none of this is easy.]
I... he was in a medically induced coma for a week. Things were... complicated. I don't know where his mother even is, I haven't been able to see her, Basil. Even if I admit there's a chance we all missed her.
( A coma? So, that's why he didn't move. He couldn't. He was incapable of it. Basil feels the way that he tenses up, his breathing once again becoming irregular -- but, he tries to calm himself. Marigold paws at him, rubbing against his side with a purr. Between the closeness of both the cat and Kel, it's... easier for him to try to focus on keeping his thoughts straight.
Still, he pulls away from Kel just a bit to focus his gaze on his. There's hesitance, perhaps understandable considering the circumstances. )
W... Why...? What happened!? Is he okay!? ( There's panic in his voice. What kind of accident could have caused that? What could have hurt Sunny so much? He was just starting to go outside again, and then...
[He does hold the other's gaze for as long as he can. This is possibly the single worst thing he has to tell Basil in this entire story- screw Mari's death, screw everything else, how do you tell someone 'you tried to murder someone you clearly adore so much'? Because he doesn't have the proper words for it.]
I... he is fine. He woke up. We even talked before I arrived here and I think that's the most open and close Sunny has been to us in the past four years.
[Three simple sentences, the only three Kel really heard: "I have to tell you something. I killed Mari, Basil helped me cover the entire thing.". So much for being closer, but Kel has to give hope to the idiots. He's the 'everything will be well' guy, he has to be when one of the idiots is suicidal and the other seems just so fragile right now.]
Basil. [Pull the tooth away. Be honest. He holds the other closer, even if he's not sure this may help at all.] I'm going to be honest so after this I will need you to focus on me and breathe. [His brain is going so fast through all the list of calming exercises his brother taught him. Breathing stuff, asking to identify five items, smells and sounds around himself- fuck, why didn't he pay enough attention? he was still going to try.] What happened is that you two had a really bad fight. As I told you, you were both hospitalized.
[That's where he stops, to give Basil time to take in the blunt hit. Aubrey took it so poorly, he can't imagine how it'll hurt the other.]
( Basil falls silent then, a dozen scenarios going through his head after hearing Kel's words. He stiffens then, pulling away from Kel. )
N-No, you're wrong! Sunny wouldn't do that! He wouldn't hurt anyone! If he did, it was-- ( His gaze tears away from Kel then, looking at nothing in particular. He's just glad to hear that he's okay, that Sunny can hopefully safely recover from it all.
But, it hurts to know that the reason that he stayed was because of something so horrible. )
If Sunny and I fought, it was because of Something. It's been there for so long.
[Something. New piece of the puzzle. What the fuck was that, he had no idea. Still, he fights to stay close to Basil, even if the other pushes away- not touching, necessarily, but still keeping close enough just kn case.]
You're right. That's what makes no sense.... [He still doesn't know what to think but....fuck it. What Would Hero Do?] You and Sunny are both such sweethearts. And you both care so much about each other, we couldn't really understand why that happened...
[Calm. Reassuring. Totally not screaming inside. He did try to reach further once more, an attempt to bring one and on the other's shoulder. The temptation to just call Aubrey and scream at her because he was finally learning something new was strong, but he merely took his mental notebook and started taking mental notes.]
Do you think you can tell me who is Something? If it's hurting you and Sunny- I want to be able to help. You don't have to tell me things you don't want to, but anything may help.
I believe you, though. You and Sunny are so kind, so gentle, seeing you two hurt each other made no sense at all...
( Basil doesn't pull away too much. It's really just enough to look at Kel. Kel may have well been begging for him not to go beforehand. And... in a way, he's keeping Basil grounded right now.
Of course. Basil cares about Sunny more than anyone else. They were best friends... It's why he knows that Sunny would never hurt Basil, or anyone else he cares about. )
It's....
( What hurt Mari. )
It only appears when bad things happen. I-It was why Aubrey took my photo album before.
K-Kel you understand.... don't you...? We have to protect Sunny...
[The fuck? Kel didn't know too much about possibly hidden magic in Faraway, but last time he checked there were no Ominous figures appearing only before disaster. What was it? That Poker Mon that appeared before big tragic events and got blamed for them? This made absolutely no sense, but Basil seemed so... certain of his words.
Possible spirits, hallucinations or delusions were not part of his bingo card when the conversation started.]
... Basil?
[Is he supposed to snap him out of this? Is he supposed to- no, this is a terrible idea. Kel isn't sure on what the correct step is, he will have to consult with Aubrey and maybe Maruki later, but for now he needs to make sure he gets all the possible info and help Basil process this entire mess. ]
This is all new to me, even if I come from further down the line. how do you think Something would make you two fight?
[No, not enough support. He must reassure the other, he must-]
But I get it now. If Sunny is in danger, if you are in danger- then we will stop Something. Together. you're not alone, okay? Not anymore. We'll make sure Something... stops. Somehow.
[Well done, Kel, let's entertain this madness. At least he looks convinced as he speaks, even reaching to try to hold Basil's hand.]
I am by your side, now and forever. Two people against this thing are better than one, right?
( If Kel had told him that when Basil first arrived when he has first arrived there, it would have been more difficult to believe. But, the both of them had become far closer during their time here. He can honestly call them good friends, maybe even best friends at this point. )
I... I don't know. ( Basil isn't sure what would cause the both of them to fight. )
B-But... Sunny was really upset when he first saw me. I... I still don't know why. Maybe he knows why the both of us fought.
( Basil lets him take his hand, offering a small smile - albeit a bit shaky as he squeezes the other's hand. )
... I believe you, Kel... No matter what happens -- I'll be here with you, too.
[Best friends. Kel would like the sound of that. But for now he's scared, confused, and focused on keeping a smile on his face. What the hell, Basil- was he hallucinating, then, in that bathroom? Was it really some kind of ghost? Mari's vengeful spirit ot something like that?
Brainstorming was to come later as he softly nodded in Basil's direction.]
It's okay... [It is not.] thank you for telling me, Basil. And sorry for holding this back from you. But even if we're moving with baby steps, this is progress, right? Now we can face Something together.
I... couldn't bring myself to tell him anything, but you are right, he could have some answers. Just- Let's not do anything hasty, mh?
[His tenderness at the moment is performative, exactly like it was when he held and kissed Aubrey's forehead by the lake... He does try to bring the other's hand to his lips, trying to place a kiss against his knuckles. At least he's sincere in saying he'll never leave his friends' side.
As is he could bring anything more serious to the table at the moment.]
I couldn't ask for more. And, please, believe me there is nothing you can do, say, or that happened that will ever change this. You're being so brave- and this is painful but we're building together right now, right? We can figure the next steps as a team.
( Basil would be heartbroken if he knew that any of this was just a lie. He's opened up more to Kel than anyone else in such a long, long time. Maybe to Kel, what he was seeing wasn't real, but to Basil it was just as solid, just as real as Aubrey or Kel himself was.
Let's not be hasty. He isn't sure if he has the courage to really bring it up on his own, anyways. Talking about anything concerning home is difficult. This conversation in itself has been exhausting.
His breath hiccups when Kel presses a kiss to his knuckles, fingers gently moving to once again take Kel's hand into his. When they're like this, it feels... warm. Safe. )
A... As long as you're here, Kel... I think I can keep trying to be brave. ( He stops for a moment, thinking of Kel's other words. )
And... I believe you. T-Together... We can try to sort out some of the problems at home, can't we...?
Edited (JUST... WANTING TO ADD MORE) 2024-07-28 05:12 (UTC)
[He could tell, it was the only thing that stopped him from calling Basil out on this. The only thing that made him want to understand first. whether this 'something' was real or not -it probably wasn't-, he was going to fight it for his friends, one way or another. But how do you fight a ghost? Especially if they only exist in someone's head? This feels like something he cannot tackle on his own, but who can he even ask help to?
Especially when... Aubrey gets so tense about everything involving Basil?]
I will fight tooth and nail to stay by your side, Basil. [He can't do the same with Sunny, every time he feels like they're pushing each other away and it burns like salt on an open wound.] And you don't have to be always brave. You can let yourself fall apart with me, I will be there to hold you until we're both ready to start walking forward again.
I- I understand fear, you know? Some of mine are so irrational, too. I- [He closes his eyes for a moment, fingers intertwining with the other teen's ones] Mines are ugly. I think of you two being on your own and I can't help but feel- I don't want to, I'm so glad you have a chance to rebuild in here, but-
Basil, I held him that night. Your screams- [Such a harrowing sound, something so haunted and full of pain.] his blood. They're... still there for me. So... I'm sorry if sometimes I will not act completely normal around the two of you. Just- never doubt that there is so much love I feel toward the two of you.
[That's a truth out, at least. There still is so much to address, but- Ah, shit. Home. Sunny doesn't want to go home.]
We can. We can do it home, we can do it here, we're going to face things together, right? And trust me, it does get better. We're still all hurting a bit, especially you three, but I will- your happiness is all I want.
( A part of Basil feels that he doesn't deserve the friendship and attention that Kel is giving to him. Guilt has been eating away at him for years without anyone to turn to. With as many times as he tells it to himself, this is the first time that someone's telling him that it'll be alright. That very feeling is enough to make him tear up, hands quickly reaching to wipe those tears away, taking in a sharp breath.
I'll fight tooth and nail to stay by your side. The bond that Kel and Basil share at this point was nothing he imagined that he'd have. He wants so badly to believe in those words.
He had no idea that Kel felt that way. There was nothing that had indicated it in his demeanor, but Basil reaches for Kel, gently gripping to clothing with a free hand as he looks up to him. )
... I... I'm sorry, Kel. I didn't know you were carrying so much pain. But... thank you for trusting me to tell me.
I... don't know if things will ever be the same for Sunny and I, and I don't know why we fought, but... things are different for us here. I-It isn't home. I think that Sunny has a chance to be happier... and find peace here.
( He's so sweet. It makes Basil feel a little lighter. It makes him feel like there's truth to those four words he repeats like a mantra so often to himself. )
I'm glad that you're here, Kel. You can always tell me anything, if something's on your mind... I-I promise that I'll do whatever I can to help.
[Yet he gets it, all of Kel's friendship. To be honest, the taller teen is just so glad he didn't burn bridges like he did with Sunny, there. He's so glad Basil was receptive to his affection instead of pushing him away, because if at least one of the two has a vague idea of what's going on maybe they can work things together. He wants his friends to be happy, he wants his siblings to be happy, that's all...
When the other wipes his tears away, he feels jealous- he wishes he was able to do the same- but the only time he cried since he arrived there? It was in front of Aubrey and it was ugly.]
No need to push them away in front of me, mh? If you feel you want to cry, you can cry.
[Better than the alternative. God, what was he even supposed to do about 'Something'? What even was that thing? A hallucination for sure but why? It doesn't matter, he tells himself as he shakes his head and smiles.]
It's not your fault and I don't think I had any proper way to... explain that. I'm so happy knowing you and Sunny and possibly Aubrey have a chance to be close again, I just need to learn to ignore my guts. And thank you for listening.
[He pauses, there. He doesn't want Sunny and Basil to be around each other and that's such a horrible, horrible feeling. He always pushes it down because it's just not fair, but he's not strong enough to risk losing either of them again and- he can't control how he feels.]
I want to believe you're right. And I want to believe you can also find happiness and peace- [He bites his lips, there. Only in this place, huh?] but not just in this place, Basil. We can't just give up home and run away, even if things can be rough. I know happiness awaits us there as well, we just have to work on it. And we can because, like here, we can be together.
If Sunny ends up moving? We'll visit him every weekend, I promise I'll work hard with part time stuff to have money for the tickets for both of us, in case. He's not getting rid of us. [His friends better work on their school grades, he knows he's not going anywhere with his own so...] And when we're of age we can just move there and be a general nuisance anyway, right? And we have Hero and Polly there, who also love us very much- I know Polly just works for you, Basil, but I've seen how much she cares about you.
We don't know if we can stay, Basil, so let's... let's not completely lose hope about our old life too, mh? I swear I'm not abandoning you here nor there. We're friends and- last time- [He admitted it to Sunny, he should be honest with Basil.] When Mari died, Hero was in shambles. We spent a year trying to get him back on his legs and I failed you all and let you all alone. I won't repeat the same mistake,it's a promise.
[Smiling is difficult, incredibly so, but he also doesn't know how to default to anything else in moments like this. He nods and leans closer, resting his head against the other's shoulder just for a moment.]
I am... so glad you listened. It's already enough for me. I'm so glad you're here as well, Basil. There.. there is a lot we still have to talk about, but we can take things slowly. I... there is just one thing. If I have to protect you and Sunny I have to know what I'm looking for, right?
[One sphere of water detaches from their improvised couch, lazily floating at Basil's side. The superficial tension is stronger than normal so even the other should be able to manipulate it without getting wet, basically just touching something extremely malleable.]
This... bastard. Do you think you can show me what it looks like? If not, it's okay. I will figure things out. But I'd like to know what's been haunting the two of you so I can protect you two better.
cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
( It's all warm words, and Basil wants to believe in all of them. He feels like the moment Sunny moves away, the moment he'll be left alone again with their secret. He'll be left with the memories of that day when Something first appeared. There was a lot that's pushed him to want to disappear -- his Grandma's condition, the bullying, but the weight of that day has been so much that sometimes it feels like it could consume him.
Kel mentioning all the people who care for him makes him recall the fact that he's trying so hard for the people who care for him. He's never been someone who wants to burden anyone, whether it be with worry or anything else that would be negative. In a sense, Basil wanting to hide how he feels is just another way of protecting those who matter. But... it seems like he does that regardless.
He wants to beg Sunny not to leave, but he knows that... it's for the best. He knows that Sunny deserves a fresh start. He knows he's the worst for wanting to cling to a friendship that no longer exists.
He doesn't want to go home. He doesn't ever want to go home. This world is scary and dangerous, but he doesn't feel the same emptiness or hopelessness that he felt at home. He doesn't ever want to tell Kel or Sunny. He's scared to tell Aubrey. It's a secret he can manage to keep. He's lied for this long, hasn't he? )
I... I know. I trust you Kel -- I do. I'll always be here to listen to you if you need to talk to someone. I promise.
Surprising Sunny... It'd be nice... I-I know that he'd be really happy to see his friends... If Aubrey and Hero come with us, then it'd be a lot like old times.
( He takes in a breath, leaning his head again Kel. )
Everything will be okay, won't it? ( Kel makes him want to truly believe that. He ended up with a habit of saying for Sunny's sake -- eventually repeating it for himself. When he had first said it... he had asked Sunny, wishing for his friend to be there for him, just as he was for him. Sunny was in so much shock back then, Basil never blamed him for not saying anything in response.
But Kel makes him want to believe it.
He straightens when Kel asks him to recreate something, tensing up. A hand goes to his shoulders -- and for a moment, he looks scared. )
... Okay. B-But, you can count on me, too Kel. I want to be able to protect you, too - just like you've protected me. Everyone's already gone through so much...
( Still, he'll reach for the water. The feeling of the liquid under his fingertips is a strange sensation. Despite the fact that it's water, it's firm enough to shape it. It takes him a while, but he takes the time to mold what looks to be the shape of a person - long, skinny hands seemingly reaching for both of them, Basil attempting to create what looks to be long hair covering its features.
He knows that Sunny and Basil are the only ones that can see it. They're the only ones who are haunted by it.
The longer he works on the water-sculpture, the more tense he seems to be. His back straightens, and in some moments it's as though he forgets to breathe. He he finishes, he steps away, not quite yet joining Kel on the make-shift water cushion just yet. )
T... There. It's done.
Edited 2024-07-30 05:58 (UTC)
Re: cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
[He allows the other to lean in and he rests his cheek on top of Basil's head. Everything sucks, he feels like alll the bandages he put on his heart durinig the years after Mari's death have been ripped away and the wounds are bleeding again. Still... he can hide those. He failed when, twenty or so day after Mari's death, he had to celebrate his first birthday alone, eating a single cupcake in front of her grave- and the preacher realized how upset he was and joined him. He failed when he shown his weaknkesses around Aubrey since he arrived, more than once. He... definitely didn't keep it together when Sunny got hurt... but he can be strong for the others...
In a certain sense Kel and Basil are similar, aren't they? Their methods may be incredibly different but both of them are trying so hard for those they love. But Kel wants to go back, even if things are difficult he believes that being sstrong toogether is the best thing they can do. Running away solves nothing, desperately clinging to the idea that a new world will magically make things better is also so... false.
If they run away every time something goes wrong, they'll never stop running.]
I am grateful for that. And... it's okay. Things will be so well once we go home.. That's what the wish I am bound to is for, you know? [Can he give hope like that? It's a wrong wish, but he can word it a bit better with Basil.. he DOE want to change it, after all.] For the four people I love the most to find happiness. So... should this Vaeros thing account to anything, there will be an extra parachute for you guys. And even if wishes don't come true, I prommise I will always be there, even back home, and I'm not waiting again to approach you guys. We're a team.
[He smiles instinctively, things are going to be rough once they go home. He wouldn't be surprised if SUnny's mom was to push Basil away. He will deal with that when the time comes.]
Right? We can just visit him, play together, make plans for the future together... we could even all move in together once you and Aubrey are old enough to attend college, we just have to see the various options. I can probably find some kind of job too, I'm not good at school, so... that's something to look forward to, maybe?
[Positive outlooks, positive outlooks- he had to be the Hero of the situation. Kel shifted just enough to kiss the top of Basil's head.]
Everything will be. You are strong, Basil, more than you realize. And we are even stronger as a group. We will defeat Something and craft our happily ever after. Which may just be five dudes living together and eating pizza every other night.
[He doesn't think It's such an easy thing to obtain, but he will try to talk about the good things that may happen, not the bad ones.]
Thank you, Basil. I believe in you. Just know I'm very resilient, okay? I don't really need much protection, I'm a simple person and bad things don't stick too much with me- and now I have a goal, right? We have to defeat Something. Together!
[Then the Thing takes shape and he doesn't know what to think about it. Thee long, long hair... the long, long arms. He's almost positive nothing like that exists in their world. He burns every single feature in his mind, he binds to his brain the shape of the water and how it dances and he... makes it disappear. He dooesn't like how the other tensed up- real or not, he can tell Basil is afraid of that.
Shit, they really, REALLY overestimated the stability of basil's mind, huh? Too focused on Sunny to notice...]
You... have been very brave, dealing with that thing the entire time. I... Basil. you don't have to answer this but you said it shows up when things go wrong, but you haven't been there for the fight with Sunny so... did it hurt you? Before?
[He would choose another, more specific question, but he can't give away too much]
( Kel's so close. Everything about him is warm and comforting. The more time they spend with one another, the more that Basil doesn't want to let that go. He wants to protect that part of him more than anything else. Basil's spent so much time alone, withdrawing from everyone out of fear. He knew at that moment that Aubrey confessed to feeling alone that he should have been there for everyone.
But, you can't... change the past. No matter how many times Basil wishes it were so. He wants to make up for that time now.
He wants to believe that things will be alright. He knows that it won't be that simple, especially given the fight between himself and Sunny. He really is the worst, isn't he? He should have never done anything to hurt Sunny. He had so much hope when Sunny came back. Why why why would he do something to endanger that?
He has to ask Sunny. He has to. )
… If it comes true, m-maybe... Maybe things can be different. If he has the power to change things.
( Perhaps that fateful night will change, and Mari will be alive if they can go back. Everything fell apart after that day. Even thinking about it feels impossible. It's nothing he wants to entertain – not again. He's played the scenarios in his head so many times of what things would be like if he had arrived at Sunny's house just a minute sooner. ) I...
( He feels his voice break, and he feels how his fingers ball into fists over Kel's clothing. )
Y... You always.... know what to say to make everything feel okay. I promise that I'll be there too.... As long as I can. I want to do what you've done for me for you.
( He freezes when he mentions Aubrey, heart sinking at the thought. )
… Yeah-- uhm... Maybe. ( He... promised Kel that he'd try to be honest, didn't he? He hesitates, biting his lower lip. ) I... I don't know, Kel. I... think that Aubrey h-hates me. ( But, it's something Basil feels for himself, too. ) But, I've never blamed her for it.
( How could he not think that? After that day when they were supposed to study, all he wanted to do was avoid her. He couldn't muster the strength to say anything. He was so scared. All he had wanted to do was run away. And then, she'd found those photos... Something had tried to erase those memories that they shared – those precious memories that would be a keepsake of the time they spent with Mari. )
I-It's okay if she does.
( He doesn't think that it's possible for anyone else except for himself and Sunny to tackle the problems that they're having. But, he appreciates it. He knows that Kel will find a way to protect Sunny in any way that he can.
He freezes at his question. He hasn't sat down next to Kel yet. Marigold has stood, waiting for Basil to sit back down, but he isn't thinking about it. )
N-No. But – it's... always there. Whenever something bad happens, that's the reason for it. I-- ( He tenses up again, fingers balling into fists around his clothing, Basil looking downward. ) I... I was so happy when Sunny came back. But... it's-- it's the reason why he's leaving. It's trying to take him away again. I... I can't let it. Sunny wouldn't leave me on his own, after all this time! He's not like that, Kel!
[It's Okay. It's okay because Kel is not letting any of his friends go as long as he can. And Basil may be the only friend he has left, of the original Faraway gang, that still stands him. God, it hurts so much, but he can't change things as well, he can only face the fact Sunny hates him now, probably, and that who knows when they'll talk again since Kel had the wonderful idea of telling him to contact him first.
He can just roll forward with the little he has, right?
He will already regret NOT asking Basil not to tell Sunny later, because of course this will be yet another knife in his friendship with the other teen but... h there is so much coming out in this conversation and he can barely keep track of it all.]
If he has the power to change things, then I'll be blessed with the knowledge you guys will be happy. If he is a fraud... then we will build our own happiness together, mh? I know things can't be perfect, they never are, but even if we all are like pieces of a broken vase we can still be put back together. I have faith in our friend group!
[He does not, not anymore, even if he loves them so much. He misses the Aubrey that curled against him and Hero during the hospital days, he misses the Sunny who managed to speak the truth after so long. All was just bitter and wrong on so many ways for him. Kel wishes he knew what to do to make things better, truly. But he can just... be postive and hope for the best.]
Oh, please, you already are. You are my friend, what else should I ask for?
[See? Simple as that. A big smile and the confirmation he didn't need much to be happy. The smile falters as that big about Aubrey is mentioned. they... they're being honest. About things in general, even if the Truth is still out there and kept hidden inside.]
She does not. I think she's... worried. [He glances away.] When I arrived here it was shortly after Sunny woke up. And I thought she was from my same... moment in time. So I mentioned the hospital and other things, she's... been worried. I can't imagine her hating you, I can imagine her being awkward for so many things. She actually... has been a great help in keeping me grounded when I was... not well. But not once she gave me the impression of actually hating you.
Hell, it's really hard to hate someone like you, Basil, you know? [He hopes, hopes and hopes not to be wrong in this sense.] And if she has issues with you, I'll get in the way, promise. There's no one she likes to fight more than me in our group. to be honest, I doubt me and Aubrey would have ever been friends without you and the other guys.
[The rest of the conversation makes him feel... somber. It's hard to keep a neutral expression and listen when the other is clearly speaking nonsense. It's a delusion, something to blame for things going wrong. Still, he will embrace that for the moment.]
Always... Basil, do you think this... thing is cause of Sunny's misfortune, then? Because our friend had a lot to deal with, lately. [He's vague, but he doesn't know how to phrase it better.] And... it's not Sunny's choice, you know that, right? Part of the fight I had with him was about him not wanting to leave- but we're all minors and if his mom sold the house that's not something he has any voice on the matter.
[Just trying to be rational, there. But then again, if he thinks of Sunny's mom he thinks about her not showing up at the hospital and the possible legal issues Basil will have to deal with should she choose to... do anything about the situation. YEP, pushing that one down for now.]
Sunny loves us. And we love Sunny, right? It's not a simple distance that will take him away- [He has the water pushing him standing up and tries to reach for Basil's hands, leaving Marigold on the couch behind.] Something may be in the way of our bond, but it will not break it. We're stronger than that, aren't we?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Even when putting on a smile is the most difficult thing in the world.
But he does, should the other decide to look up- Kel must make sure he's greeted by a reassuring smile. One hand is raised to caress Basil's back- good. Let it all out. It hurts to see him like this but it's still better than- no, not thinking about that now.
He doesn't even know what to say, so for once he chooses silence to give Basil a chance to cry his heart out if needed, silently offering support through contact and closeness.]
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Kel's so warm, and his embrace is so gentle. How could someone not feel comforted by it? It'd be difficult to push himself away at this point in time. The thought is a little scary, but... he wants to let himself depend on him.
He'll apologize later. He feels bad, worrying his friend like this. He... wants to make sure that Kel will be alright, too. )
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Basil crying didn't solve the 'Sunny' issue, nor did anything to fix Kel's nerves, but it gave him hope that it helped his friend know there was support, that he wasn't alone.
Kel turned just slightly, resting his cheek on the top of the other one's head. Give him and Aubrey a chance, you two...]
You know, it takes a lot of bravery to show one's feelings...
[No compliments, no condescending tone, but he's not letting go and he's trying to make sure the other knows right now there is no negative judging on his part, none at all.]
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He wants to respond, but it's difficult -- between the quiet sobs and the shaking, he can't. It takes a moment for him to calm himself down enough to speak. It's a little muffled, and he hasn't released his grip just yet. )
K... Kel... What you said earlier--
Can we... Can we talk for a while...? Is that really alright? ( All of this has already been so much. He doesn't want to ask more of him if he isn't ready for it. )
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He doesn't want to talk about any of this anymore, he wants to move on, back to pretend everything was fine, but he took a big step with Basil and there is no coming back. He lifts up his bandaged hand and ruffles the other's hair in an affectionate manner, warm smile still not leaving his face. He wants to be left alone and find a place for himself-]
We can. We can talk about anything you want. Just... don't push yourself, mh? We can take all the breaks you need, shed all the tears you need to get outside and I will make sure to remind you at every step that everything will be okay.
I'm yours for as long as you will need me, mh?
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Thank you, really. But--
K... Kel... If there's something on your mind... We can help each other. In the past, we used to rely on each other, didn't we...?
( Hesitantly, he reaches for that bandaged hand. He wants to take it into his. If... it's alright with Kel.
He smiles at Marigold, who meows quietly. )
Marigold wants to help, too.
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Yes. Yes we can. I want to rely on you and I want you to know I will always have your back no matter what- I will be honest, Basil, one of the most difficult things is... not being honest with you guys.
Lying takes a lot of efforts, even if you think you're doing it to protect someone.
[This is not even a callout toward Basil, this is literally what he experienced himself right now. He has no idea what was in Basil's head the entire time.]
We all help each other, mh? Ah, this is going to be.... a long evening, so let's get ourselves comfortable. I promise I- you are in the charge of the conversation, okay? I will try my best to answer you.
[And he pushes himself back, letting his body fall behind and bringing down Basil with himself- just to have the 'fall' almost immediately stopped by a large blob of water in what's a very improvised water bean couch what embraces them.
Marigold seems comfortable enough to jump on it and try to climb on them, trying to find the closest spot to Basil because 'shoo, uncle Kel, this is my dad and this is my job'. He's glad they have the cat.]
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He feels a knot tie in his throat then. He knows exactly what it means to lie for the sake of protecting someone. Was that post on Sleepr really all a lie, then? How much had he been lying to them? He'd be a hypocrite if he were upset about any of his friends lying.
He doesn't have time to think about it when he feels himself fall a bit, a soft sound of surprise leaving him when he finds himself on a rather firm body of water.
.... Kel's really become pretty strong, huh? When Basil first arrived, he only had shown him a bit of his magic... But, he's been training so hard. It's no wonder.
Marigold paws at Basil, and he offers a gentle pet in return. He gently takes Marigold into his arms, letting him curl up into his lap.
Where should he start? He's had so many questions... ) Thank you, Kel... But -- I'm here for you. A-And, we can take a break whenever you want. I promise.
( He takes in a breath, hesitating before asking what he does next. Kel had warned him that it would hurt to hear this. But... there's too many things that could've gone wrong. What could he have meant? The possibilities fill him with anxiety. )
What... What happened at home...? Why did Sunny end up staying?
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And... he floats there, looking at the ceiling and ignoring Marigold who is finding their perfect spot. At least the water relaxes him, he build good associations with the element and now he's just... starting to mix electricity with it. Kel won't share that with Basil for now, though, this isn't a talk about battle plans.
A deep breath escapes his lungs as he tries to find the proper words to answer, but in the end he just... pulls Basil closer, toward hsi chest. Sugarcoating things won't make them better.]
It's okay. I'm fine, Basil. I'm fine.
[He's not but right now it's just hard to speak.]
I- he got hurt. Both of you got hurt and went to the hospital.
[He pauses to let his words sink in to the other. His hold around Basil tightens just a little- they're alive, both here and back home. But none of this is easy.]
I... he was in a medically induced coma for a week. Things were... complicated. I don't know where his mother even is, I haven't been able to see her, Basil. Even if I admit there's a chance we all missed her.
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Still, he pulls away from Kel just a bit to focus his gaze on his. There's hesitance, perhaps understandable considering the circumstances. )
W... Why...? What happened!? Is he okay!? ( There's panic in his voice. What kind of accident could have caused that? What could have hurt Sunny so much? He was just starting to go outside again, and then...
It seems cruel. )
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I... he is fine. He woke up. We even talked before I arrived here and I think that's the most open and close Sunny has been to us in the past four years.
[Three simple sentences, the only three Kel really heard: "I have to tell you something. I killed Mari, Basil helped me cover the entire thing.". So much for being closer, but Kel has to give hope to the idiots. He's the 'everything will be well' guy,
he has to be when one of the idiots is suicidal and the other seems just so fragile right now.]
Basil. [Pull the tooth away. Be honest. He holds the other closer, even if he's not sure this may help at all.] I'm going to be honest so after this I will need you to focus on me and breathe. [His brain is going so fast through all the list of calming exercises his brother taught him. Breathing stuff, asking to identify five items, smells and sounds around himself- fuck, why didn't he pay enough attention? he was still going to try.] What happened is that you two had a really bad fight. As I told you, you were both hospitalized.
[That's where he stops, to give Basil time to take in the blunt hit. Aubrey took it so poorly, he can't imagine how it'll hurt the other.]
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N-No, you're wrong! Sunny wouldn't do that! He wouldn't hurt anyone! If he did, it was-- ( His gaze tears away from Kel then, looking at nothing in particular. He's just glad to hear that he's okay, that Sunny can hopefully safely recover from it all.
But, it hurts to know that the reason that he stayed was because of something so horrible. )
If Sunny and I fought, it was because of Something. It's been there for so long.
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You're right. That's what makes no sense.... [He still doesn't know what to think but....fuck it. What Would Hero Do?] You and Sunny are both such sweethearts. And you both care so much about each other, we couldn't really understand why that happened...
[Calm. Reassuring. Totally not screaming inside. He did try to reach further once more, an attempt to bring one and on the other's shoulder. The temptation to just call Aubrey and scream at her because he was finally learning something new was strong, but he merely took his mental notebook and started taking mental notes.]
Do you think you can tell me who is Something? If it's hurting you and Sunny- I want to be able to help. You don't have to tell me things you don't want to, but anything may help.
I believe you, though. You and Sunny are so kind, so gentle, seeing you two hurt each other made no sense at all...
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Of course. Basil cares about Sunny more than anyone else. They were best friends... It's why he knows that Sunny would never hurt Basil, or anyone else he cares about. )
It's....
( What hurt Mari. )
It only appears when bad things happen. I-It was why Aubrey took my photo album before.
K-Kel you understand.... don't you...? We have to protect Sunny...
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Possible spirits, hallucinations or delusions were not part of his bingo card when the conversation started.]
... Basil?
[Is he supposed to snap him out of this? Is he supposed to- no, this is a terrible idea. Kel isn't sure on what the correct step is, he will have to consult with Aubrey and maybe Maruki later, but for now he needs to make sure he gets all the possible info and help Basil process this entire mess. ]
This is all new to me, even if I come from further down the line. how do you think Something would make you two fight?
[No, not enough support. He must reassure the other, he must-]
But I get it now. If Sunny is in danger, if you are in danger- then we will stop Something. Together. you're not alone, okay? Not anymore. We'll make sure Something... stops. Somehow.
[Well done, Kel, let's entertain this madness. At least he looks convinced as he speaks, even reaching to try to hold Basil's hand.]
I am by your side, now and forever. Two people against this thing are better than one, right?
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I... I don't know. ( Basil isn't sure what would cause the both of them to fight. )
B-But... Sunny was really upset when he first saw me. I... I still don't know why. Maybe he knows why the both of us fought.
( Basil lets him take his hand, offering a small smile - albeit a bit shaky as he squeezes the other's hand. )
... I believe you, Kel... No matter what happens -- I'll be here with you, too.
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Brainstorming was to come later as he softly nodded in Basil's direction.]
It's okay... [It is not.] thank you for telling me, Basil. And sorry for holding this back from you. But even if we're moving with baby steps, this is progress, right? Now we can face Something together.
I... couldn't bring myself to tell him anything, but you are right, he could have some answers. Just- Let's not do anything hasty, mh?
[His tenderness at the moment is performative, exactly like it was when he held and kissed Aubrey's forehead by the lake... He does try to bring the other's hand to his lips, trying to place a kiss against his knuckles. At least he's sincere in saying he'll never leave his friends' side.
As is he could bring anything more serious to the table at the moment.]
I couldn't ask for more. And, please, believe me there is nothing you can do, say, or that happened that will ever change this. You're being so brave- and this is painful but we're building together right now, right? We can figure the next steps as a team.
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Let's not be hasty. He isn't sure if he has the courage to really bring it up on his own, anyways. Talking about anything concerning home is difficult. This conversation in itself has been exhausting.
His breath hiccups when Kel presses a kiss to his knuckles, fingers gently moving to once again take Kel's hand into his. When they're like this, it feels... warm. Safe. )
A... As long as you're here, Kel... I think I can keep trying to be brave. ( He stops for a moment, thinking of Kel's other words. )
And... I believe you. T-Together... We can try to sort out some of the problems at home, can't we...?
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Especially when... Aubrey gets so tense about everything involving Basil?]
I will fight tooth and nail to stay by your side, Basil. [He can't do the same with Sunny, every time he feels like they're pushing each other away and it burns like salt on an open wound.] And you don't have to be always brave. You can let yourself fall apart with me, I will be there to hold you until we're both ready to start walking forward again.
I- I understand fear, you know? Some of mine are so irrational, too. I- [He closes his eyes for a moment, fingers intertwining with the other teen's ones] Mines are ugly. I think of you two being on your own and I can't help but feel- I don't want to, I'm so glad you have a chance to rebuild in here, but-
Basil, I held him that night. Your screams- [Such a harrowing sound, something so haunted and full of pain.] his blood. They're... still there for me. So... I'm sorry if sometimes I will not act completely normal around the two of you. Just- never doubt that there is so much love I feel toward the two of you.
[That's a truth out, at least. There still is so much to address, but- Ah, shit. Home. Sunny doesn't want to go home.]
We can. We can do it home, we can do it here, we're going to face things together, right? And trust me, it does get better. We're still all hurting a bit, especially you three, but I will- your happiness is all I want.
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I'll fight tooth and nail to stay by your side. The bond that Kel and Basil share at this point was nothing he imagined that he'd have. He wants so badly to believe in those words.
He had no idea that Kel felt that way. There was nothing that had indicated it in his demeanor, but Basil reaches for Kel, gently gripping to clothing with a free hand as he looks up to him. )
... I... I'm sorry, Kel. I didn't know you were carrying so much pain. But... thank you for trusting me to tell me.
I... don't know if things will ever be the same for Sunny and I, and I don't know why we fought, but... things are different for us here. I-It isn't home. I think that Sunny has a chance to be happier... and find peace here.
( He's so sweet. It makes Basil feel a little lighter. It makes him feel like there's truth to those four words he repeats like a mantra so often to himself. )
I'm glad that you're here, Kel. You can always tell me anything, if something's on your mind... I-I promise that I'll do whatever I can to help.
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When the other wipes his tears away, he feels jealous- he wishes he was able to do the same- but the only time he cried since he arrived there? It was in front of Aubrey and it was ugly.]
No need to push them away in front of me, mh? If you feel you want to cry, you can cry.
[Better than the alternative. God, what was he even supposed to do about 'Something'? What even was that thing? A hallucination for sure but why? It doesn't matter, he tells himself as he shakes his head and smiles.]
It's not your fault and I don't think I had any proper way to... explain that. I'm so happy knowing you and Sunny and possibly Aubrey have a chance to be close again, I just need to learn to ignore my guts. And thank you for listening.
[He pauses, there. He doesn't want Sunny and Basil to be around each other and that's such a horrible, horrible feeling. He always pushes it down because it's just not fair, but he's not strong enough to risk losing either of them again and- he can't control how he feels.]
I want to believe you're right. And I want to believe you can also find happiness and peace- [He bites his lips, there. Only in this place, huh?] but not just in this place, Basil. We can't just give up home and run away, even if things can be rough. I know happiness awaits us there as well, we just have to work on it. And we can because, like here, we can be together.
If Sunny ends up moving? We'll visit him every weekend, I promise I'll work hard with part time stuff to have money for the tickets for both of us, in case. He's not getting rid of us. [His friends better work on their school grades, he knows he's not going anywhere with his own so...] And when we're of age we can just move there and be a general nuisance anyway, right? And we have Hero and Polly there, who also love us very much- I know Polly just works for you, Basil, but I've seen how much she cares about you.
We don't know if we can stay, Basil, so let's... let's not completely lose hope about our old life too, mh? I swear I'm not abandoning you here nor there. We're friends and- last time- [He admitted it to Sunny, he should be honest with Basil.] When Mari died, Hero was in shambles. We spent a year trying to get him back on his legs and I failed you all and let you all alone. I won't repeat the same mistake,it's a promise.
[Smiling is difficult, incredibly so, but he also doesn't know how to default to anything else in moments like this. He nods and leans closer, resting his head against the other's shoulder just for a moment.]
I am... so glad you listened. It's already enough for me. I'm so glad you're here as well, Basil. There.. there is a lot we still have to talk about, but we can take things slowly. I... there is just one thing. If I have to protect you and Sunny I have to know what I'm looking for, right?
[One sphere of water detaches from their improvised couch, lazily floating at Basil's side. The superficial tension is stronger than normal so even the other should be able to manipulate it without getting wet, basically just touching something extremely malleable.]
This... bastard. Do you think you can show me what it looks like? If not, it's okay. I will figure things out. But I'd like to know what's been haunting the two of you so I can protect you two better.
cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
Kel mentioning all the people who care for him makes him recall the fact that he's trying so hard for the people who care for him. He's never been someone who wants to burden anyone, whether it be with worry or anything else that would be negative. In a sense, Basil wanting to hide how he feels is just another way of protecting those who matter. But... it seems like he does that regardless.
He wants to beg Sunny not to leave, but he knows that... it's for the best. He knows that Sunny deserves a fresh start. He knows he's the worst for wanting to cling to a friendship that no longer exists.
He doesn't want to go home. He doesn't ever want to go home. This world is scary and dangerous, but he doesn't feel the same emptiness or hopelessness that he felt at home. He doesn't ever want to tell Kel or Sunny. He's scared to tell Aubrey. It's a secret he can manage to keep. He's lied for this long, hasn't he? )
I... I know. I trust you Kel -- I do. I'll always be here to listen to you if you need to talk to someone. I promise.
Surprising Sunny... It'd be nice... I-I know that he'd be really happy to see his friends... If Aubrey and Hero come with us, then it'd be a lot like old times.
( He takes in a breath, leaning his head again Kel. )
Everything will be okay, won't it? ( Kel makes him want to truly believe that. He ended up with a habit of saying for Sunny's sake -- eventually repeating it for himself. When he had first said it... he had asked Sunny, wishing for his friend to be there for him, just as he was for him. Sunny was in so much shock back then, Basil never blamed him for not saying anything in response.
But Kel makes him want to believe it.
He straightens when Kel asks him to recreate something, tensing up. A hand goes to his shoulders -- and for a moment, he looks scared. )
... Okay. B-But, you can count on me, too Kel. I want to be able to protect you, too - just like you've protected me. Everyone's already gone through so much...
( Still, he'll reach for the water. The feeling of the liquid under his fingertips is a strange sensation. Despite the fact that it's water, it's firm enough to shape it. It takes him a while, but he takes the time to mold what looks to be the shape of a person - long, skinny hands seemingly reaching for both of them, Basil attempting to create what looks to be long hair covering its features.
He knows that Sunny and Basil are the only ones that can see it. They're the only ones who are haunted by it.
The longer he works on the water-sculpture, the more tense he seems to be. His back straightens, and in some moments it's as though he forgets to breathe. He he finishes, he steps away, not quite yet joining Kel on the make-shift water cushion just yet. )
T... There. It's done.
Re: cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
In a certain sense Kel and Basil are similar, aren't they? Their methods may be incredibly different but both of them are trying so hard for those they love. But Kel wants to go back, even if things are difficult he believes that being sstrong toogether is the best thing they can do. Running away solves nothing, desperately clinging to the idea that a new world will magically make things better is also so... false.
If they run away every time something goes wrong, they'll never stop running.]
I am grateful for that. And... it's okay. Things will be so well once we go home.. That's what the wish I am bound to is for, you know? [Can he give hope like that? It's a wrong wish, but he can word it a bit better with Basil.. he DOE want to change it, after all.] For the four people I love the most to find happiness. So... should this Vaeros thing account to anything, there will be an extra parachute for you guys. And even if wishes don't come true, I prommise I will always be there, even back home, and I'm not waiting again to approach you guys. We're a team.
[He smiles instinctively, things are going to be rough once they go home. He wouldn't be surprised if SUnny's mom was to push Basil away. He will deal with that when the time comes.]
Right? We can just visit him, play together, make plans for the future together... we could even all move in together once you and Aubrey are old enough to attend college, we just have to see the various options. I can probably find some kind of job too, I'm not good at school, so... that's something to look forward to, maybe?
[Positive outlooks, positive outlooks- he had to be the Hero of the situation. Kel shifted just enough to kiss the top of Basil's head.]
Everything will be. You are strong, Basil, more than you realize. And we are even stronger as a group. We will defeat Something and craft our happily ever after. Which may just be five dudes living together and eating pizza every other night.
[He doesn't think It's such an easy thing to obtain, but he will try to talk about the good things that may happen, not the bad ones.]
Thank you, Basil. I believe in you. Just know I'm very resilient, okay? I don't really need much protection, I'm a simple person and bad things don't stick too much with me- and now I have a goal, right? We have to defeat Something. Together!
[Then the Thing takes shape and he doesn't know what to think about it. Thee long, long hair... the long, long arms. He's almost positive nothing like that exists in their world. He burns every single feature in his mind, he binds to his brain the shape of the water and how it dances and he... makes it disappear. He dooesn't like how the other tensed up- real or not, he can tell Basil is afraid of that.
Shit, they really, REALLY overestimated the stability of basil's mind, huh? Too focused on Sunny to notice...]
You... have been very brave, dealing with that thing the entire time. I... Basil. you don't have to answer this but you said it shows up when things go wrong, but you haven't been there for the fight with Sunny so... did it hurt you? Before?
[He would choose another, more specific question, but he can't give away too much]
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But, you can't... change the past. No matter how many times Basil wishes it were so. He wants to make up for that time now.
He wants to believe that things will be alright. He knows that it won't be that simple, especially given the fight between himself and Sunny. He really is the worst, isn't he? He should have never done anything to hurt Sunny. He had so much hope when Sunny came back. Why why why would he do something to endanger that?
He has to ask Sunny. He has to. )
… If it comes true, m-maybe... Maybe things can be different. If he has the power to change things.
( Perhaps that fateful night will change, and Mari will be alive if they can go back. Everything fell apart after that day. Even thinking about it feels impossible. It's nothing he wants to entertain – not again. He's played the scenarios in his head so many times of what things would be like if he had arrived at Sunny's house just a minute sooner. ) I...
( He feels his voice break, and he feels how his fingers ball into fists over Kel's clothing. )
Y... You always.... know what to say to make everything feel okay. I promise that I'll be there too.... As long as I can. I want to do what you've done for me for you.
( He freezes when he mentions Aubrey, heart sinking at the thought. )
… Yeah-- uhm... Maybe. ( He... promised Kel that he'd try to be honest, didn't he? He hesitates, biting his lower lip. ) I... I don't know, Kel. I... think that Aubrey h-hates me. ( But, it's something Basil feels for himself, too. ) But, I've never blamed her for it.
( How could he not think that? After that day when they were supposed to study, all he wanted to do was avoid her. He couldn't muster the strength to say anything. He was so scared. All he had wanted to do was run away. And then, she'd found those photos... Something had tried to erase those memories that they shared – those precious memories that would be a keepsake of the time they spent with Mari. )
I-It's okay if she does.
( He doesn't think that it's possible for anyone else except for himself and Sunny to tackle the problems that they're having. But, he appreciates it. He knows that Kel will find a way to protect Sunny in any way that he can.
He freezes at his question. He hasn't sat down next to Kel yet. Marigold has stood, waiting for Basil to sit back down, but he isn't thinking about it. )
N-No. But – it's... always there. Whenever something bad happens, that's the reason for it. I-- ( He tenses up again, fingers balling into fists around his clothing, Basil looking downward. ) I... I was so happy when Sunny came back. But... it's-- it's the reason why he's leaving. It's trying to take him away again. I... I can't let it. Sunny wouldn't leave me on his own, after all this time! He's not like that, Kel!
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He can just roll forward with the little he has, right?
He will already regret NOT asking Basil not to tell Sunny later, because of course this will be yet another knife in his friendship with the other teen but... h there is so much coming out in this conversation and he can barely keep track of it all.]
If he has the power to change things, then I'll be blessed with the knowledge you guys will be happy. If he is a fraud... then we will build our own happiness together, mh? I know things can't be perfect, they never are, but even if we all are like pieces of a broken vase we can still be put back together. I have faith in our friend group!
[He does not, not anymore, even if he loves them so much. He misses the Aubrey that curled against him and Hero during the hospital days, he misses the Sunny who managed to speak the truth after so long. All was just bitter and wrong on so many ways for him. Kel wishes he knew what to do to make things better, truly. But he can just... be postive and hope for the best.]
Oh, please, you already are. You are my friend, what else should I ask for?
[See? Simple as that. A big smile and the confirmation he didn't need much to be happy. The smile falters as that big about Aubrey is mentioned. they... they're being honest. About things in general, even if the Truth is still out there and kept hidden inside.]
She does not. I think she's... worried. [He glances away.] When I arrived here it was shortly after Sunny woke up. And I thought she was from my same... moment in time. So I mentioned the hospital and other things, she's... been worried. I can't imagine her hating you, I can imagine her being awkward for so many things. She actually... has been a great help in keeping me grounded when I was... not well. But not once she gave me the impression of actually hating you.
Hell, it's really hard to hate someone like you, Basil, you know? [He hopes, hopes and hopes not to be wrong in this sense.] And if she has issues with you, I'll get in the way, promise. There's no one she likes to fight more than me in our group. to be honest, I doubt me and Aubrey would have ever been friends without you and the other guys.
[The rest of the conversation makes him feel... somber. It's hard to keep a neutral expression and listen when the other is clearly speaking nonsense. It's a delusion, something to blame for things going wrong. Still, he will embrace that for the moment.]
Always... Basil, do you think this... thing is cause of Sunny's misfortune, then? Because our friend had a lot to deal with, lately. [He's vague, but he doesn't know how to phrase it better.] And... it's not Sunny's choice, you know that, right? Part of the fight I had with him was about him not wanting to leave- but we're all minors and if his mom sold the house that's not something he has any voice on the matter.
[Just trying to be rational, there. But then again, if he thinks of Sunny's mom he thinks about her not showing up at the hospital and the possible legal issues Basil will have to deal with should she choose to... do anything about the situation. YEP, pushing that one down for now.]
Sunny loves us. And we love Sunny, right? It's not a simple distance that will take him away- [He has the water pushing him standing up and tries to reach for Basil's hands, leaving Marigold on the couch behind.] Something may be in the way of our bond, but it will not break it. We're stronger than that, aren't we?
BIG SUICIDE CW
OH BOI
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