( Basil begins to unwarp the bandages then. He's being as careful as he can. The last thing he wants to do is hurt them any further...
A part of him wonders if he should go ahead and drink his potion. Even if he's given offensive magic, there's still a possibility that he might be able to heal others; just like Aubrey and Sunny.
He shakes his head, eyes never leaving the bandages. ) I... I want to help, Kel... I'm here for you. You said that we're friends... didn't you...?
Friends help each other.
( Why was Kel so insistent that Basil not do anything? It's like he's being careful not to bother him in the slightest. But, Basil isn't glass. He's not going to break if he asks him for something. )
[There is no complain coming from him, even if the handsdo hurt and even if for just one moment his fingers twitches and he seems to pull away before forcing himself to stay there.
The sooner is done, the sooner they can move on with the night. But asil's words fill his heart with guilt and tension, when he speaks again there's just the smallest hint of tension in it.]
Of course we're friends. As long as you'll want us to be, I'll never, ever stop being your friend, Basil.
Friends do, you're right, I just... [Things hurt. He made Sunny cry at his birthday. God knows how his friendship with Aubrey even is at this point. In a certain sense, Basil's friendship is almost the most comforting thing he has right now. Home doesn't feel empty, at least, when Basil and Marigold are there at the end of the day, it's nice to have someone to cook for and- if he opened up? He can't imagine Basil staying. Then again... friends don't lie to each other as well. Yet their entire friend group is full of lies, full of secrets- Kel and Hero pretend they're okay, Aubrey never really shows her own feelings and when it comes to Sunny and Basil... Shit, he can't be like them, he owes asil at least some kind of vague explanation. The other is always so kind to him...] I've been a bit distracted, lately. Which means I've been a bit more incident prone. It's just... so embarrassing?
I'm the sports guy, I shouldn't keep messing up this kind of things, at least.
( Basil takes the now loose bandages, putting them to the side before he reaches for the clean ones. Every touch is careful, gentle. Basil's own hands are calloused from the gardening he's been doing so much lately, but it's nothing compared to Kel's.
He listens quietly. Basil's always wanted to be there for his friends, but all the moreso now. Like Kel, their friendship is the most comforting thing. It's given him hope -- that things can be better - that they can have what they did years ago.
Brows knit together, and he doesn't respond right away. He's started to wrap his hand. )
Did... something happen after Sunny's birthday party....? ( He asks quietly, softly. He's notice the air growing more tense, but he's not quite sure why. )
Y... You can tell me. Sunny used to listen to me when I was upset, and... it always made me feel better, back then.
[His fingers twitch under the touch, there isn't much to protect his knuckles in terms of skins and muscles so his body reacts even when he really just wants to stand still.
He... really is bad at this lying thing, huh? Sunny probably noticed Kel can't really be himself around him as well, but- he doesn't know what else to do. So he... smiles, closing his eyes. He can at least be sincere about something, hopefully it will be enough to make the other feel like it's- he doesn't know, like that's the only issue.]
Yeah... I had a fight with him. But he also asked me not to tell anyone what that was about so... I can't really say much. Sorry.
[That's totally the only issue. Nothing else.]
I just don't really want to end fighting you guys, I love you all too much, but I also come from the future you guys still have to see, so... huh... I guess I should have chosen my words better? But, really, once Sunny will feel like talking I'm sure we'll fix it!
[How do you fix heartbreak? Because that's what Kel feels right now, not a feeling dissimilar he believes he'd have if it was Hero he hurt in such a way. How can you be a real friend if every time you talk others get upset?]
Sorry for worrying you, Basil. You're super sweet and I'm just acting like a kid right now.
( Basil's actions become slower then, eyes lifting only while Kel speaks before lowering again.
A fight.... He knows how difficult it can be when friends fight. He can only imagine that it's more painful when it's someone like Sunny. Sunny who... shut himself away from everyone for so long. )
... Yeah. ( He hopes that Sunny won't wait. Maybe... Maybe Kel will approach him first, instead. ) I'm... I'm sorry, Kel. Fighting with friends hurts... But, it's been so long since all of us were together like this. I think it's something that's made him happier here. And, Sunny loves both you and Aubrey. I'm sure that he knows that you feel that way, too...
( Basil shakes his head. )
You never have to apologize for talking to me. I'm happy that we can talk like this...
( Still, something about what he says feels off. )
But -- uhm... Didn't you say that things were better in the future...?
[Kel will not approach him, not this time, that's what he promised Sunny. Space. He regrets doing so.]
He loves you too, Basil. I know that as much. Sadly, huh... I think I shouldn't have mentioned home. In the end it was all my fault. I just... I just hope he'stalking with Aubrey about it, at least, not bottling things up.
[His lips turn into a thin line as Basil speaks again. He glances away, unable to hold his gaze. They are better, in a sense. Sunny has been honest, he wants to believe Aubrey and Hero will also forgive the two, the healing process possibly started after so much pain but-
Fuck it, Aubrey already knows.]
That doesn't mean we didn't hit rock bottom before things got better, Basil. I think it'sone of the things that... I don't think I- I don't think I've been acting very natural around him since I arrived here because I know there is still a lot he has to go through back home.
I... huh... I don't think I can say much more without hurting you, though. I want you to know that things can and will get better, not how many times we still have to stumble and fall before we get there. Just-
[He pulls one hand back, the one Basil isn't currently working on, and pats it against his chest, not caring if his shirt gets stained in blood.]
No matter what happens, no matter what you guys say or do, I'm going to stay loyal to you all. When I say I love you, I really mean it, Basil. We're family, to me, even if we're not related by blood.
... Yeah. ( Basil loves Sunny. It hurts thinking about how much he does. But, he doesn't know where he even stands with him. They haven't had a real conversation about any of it. Whenever they do, it feels like it ends up escalating in some way, or he ends up speaking to Omori instead. ) Aubrey... She... She's a good friend. I'm sure that if she knows that something's wrong, she'll do what she can to help.
( That... That hasn't changed about her. It's something that Basil's discovered not to long ago.
He finishes securing the bandage around his hand before gently releasing it, brows knitting together when Kel speaks gain.
What... What could have happened...? He thought it was strange. Sunny nearly had a break down when Basil had arrived, like something horrible had happened at home. And now with the way that Kel is speaking... His heart sinks, a feeling of dread forming in the pit of his stomach. )
... What... What happened...? Did something happen to Sunny...?
[Shrugs at that. He has been aware Aubrey was closer to Sunny than she had ever been back home since he arrived here so...]
I mean, they're together, so I expect her to take good care of him. And he has the two of us, too, even if- I mean, I don't care if he doesn't talk to me anymore, I'm still doing my best for him as I can.
[Fuck it, if he can't be a good friend, it's good to know Sunny has people he can rely on. He will get things ready for his friends in other ways, somehow. He's talking with Crowley about food stashes, he's talking with Eren about supplies, he's training so hard and he's working with others to- he wouldn't try half as hard if it was just him in Somnius.
One hand is wrapped, the other is not, but right now he's pulling them back against his own chest. If Basil knows, at least a little, will that... diminish the chances of things going wrong? It won't ease the horrible, horrible feeling in his chest when he sees the two of them near each other, but... maybe it will help them?
In the end, he just nods. When he speaks again, his voice is unusually quiet, it's even cracking as he tries to keep his tone neutral. He's just not strong enough to remember Sunny's state and not feel... overwhelmed.]
Very much so. He- I- [He brings his hands forward just a little, but in his mind they're covered now in the blood of someone else.] I don't think I'm... I don't even know where to begin. But things got better, then. He got better. And he's still in Faraway, too!
[Because he was too hurt to move away, he doesn't know how things will go from there.]
( They're... together? Aubrey was dating two people? For a moment, Basil looks on in surprise. Maybe it isn't how he should feel, considering how he knew about Sunny's crush on Aubrey a long time ago...
He feels the way his stomach twists a bit. Being the last one to know confirms how distant he's become with everyone, but he manages a (nervous) smile all the same. )
O... Oh... They're together...? That's... I'm happy for them...
( He takes a breath, quickly pushing his own feelings aside. He feels the familiar temptation to run away and lock himself away, but he wants to focus on Kel more than anything else. )
I'm... I'm sure that Aubrey will help. You've been doing your best Kel... W-We all know that you have.
( What Kel says next only causes more confusion than anything else, but some mild relief as well. What did he mean? Wasn't he moving away? What could have happened to cause him to stay? )
... He isn't moving? B... But, I don't understand... If he isn't leaving, then... Why...?
( It doesn't make sense. Nothing that Kel's told him makes sense. He's trying to slow his heartbeat - trying not to panic from imagining what scenarios could make him stay. )
[Welcome to Kel's why the fuck collecting people to smooch like they're Poket mons cards. He doesn't get it either but that's hardly the priority right now.
But he can see that smile and he knows it's not natural and-- he's been there to see you pretend to be okay for three days, Basil, he relived those days over and over in his head ab nauseam trying to think of all the things he missed.
He can't help Aubrey, he can't help Sunny, he can at least try to help Basil since this is all hurting already? He lifts his bandaged hand up, trying to caress his cheek.]
Basil? No fake smiles for now if we're trying to be honest, okay? You don't have to play pretend with me. But, yes. They both have two partners, they may get more... I just don't really- get it, I guess?
[The more he spends with Basil, the more he's convinced that Sunny must have instigated whatever happened in that bathroom.]
We all take care of each other. We all are important to each other. We alll will take care of each other, okay? You also tried your best, Basil, I know that. Just because I'm not- I'm not blind, I can see your efforts.
[And the last part is the more difficult one to admit.]
We... huh.... [Maruki and Hero both taught him the importance of breathing. He offers both hands to the other, palms turned up.] Before I continue we need to calm down, okay? Breathe with me. And think about how much you want to know because it's... not easy. And I don't want to hurt you, but this will.
[He's ready to breathe with him, if needed, unless Basil rejects the attempt]
( Kel lifts a hand to his cheek, and he can't help but flinch a bit at first. He had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't been expecting the physical contact.
Two? Was Sunny dating more than one person? He doesn't understand it either, but ultimately... Basil just wants his friends to be happy. They've all been trying so hard to cope with everything back at home... )
N... No! I--
( He takes a step back. His efforts? Has he done anything for anyone here? It feels like the more he reaches, the more distant he's become from the others. He feels helpless.
I don't want to hurt you. He feels weak. He's scared to know the answer. Things already felt at their worst at home. How could things be alright after what Kel just eluded to? )
[Fuck. He can see the other retreating. And he has seen enough of what happens when Basil and Sunny get too much in their own heads so- no, he's not going to let the oother run away.]
Basil. Look at me. I get it, I'm also not well because I am afraid for you guys, but look at us. We're here, we're friends we're together and even if it's true home still has a lot of shit for you guys- I am the living proof that everything will be okay.
[It's a lie, he is afraid of home, he is afraid of everything. But Basil doesn't have to know how deep Kel's issues are, he's the ohoh fun guy and that's how it should have stayed for them.
Still, they're here, they're trying to communicate and-]
I've seen you do this before. If we're not feeling well we can even take all night long. Small bites. But please, please don't lock me out. I've been there and it's horrible and I- I don't want you to feel- [cornered? Alone? What the even was in Basil's head back home? He has no idea. like this again.
[He shouldn't have talked. Every time he does that he hurts someone.]
Listen to me: Sunny is okay. He got up, he got better, he's still with us and we are even closer than before. Just because things can get ugly, it doesn't mean they can't get better. I promise you, all that awaits you is a lot of people who love you unconditionally. I just see that- you, Sunny, Aubrey, you can't see that yet.
( But, he does. He feels cornered. It isn't Kel's fault. None of it is. He has no idea about the situation himself and Sunny, and Basil has no intention of letting him know. That wasn't up to Basil! He had to keep a secret! He had to! He has to protect Sunny!
He had repeated those thoughts in his head during sleepless nights and he told himself that it'd be fine, he could carry this alone if he had to. Because Sunny wasn't there. But, he was coping with it in his own way. Basil couldn't blame him for that. None of this was his fault. It was something. Something was always there with him, causing them both pain. If it weren't for that, then things would still be alright. )
I--
( He takes another step back. If things were alright, why was he afraid? )
I.... I know that you want to help, but --
( Can't tell you. I can't talk to you about this. )
I promise-- I... I'm okay. Please... Please, don't worry.
He got a master degree in being a terrible friend and he didn't even have to attend college to begin with. What a wonderful and unique way to beat Hero in something for once.
Kel didn't step forward, he knew his build could be intimidating at the moment, but...]
But I know you're not, Basil. Not yet, at least.
[Was he supposed to reach for him? to get in the way to make sure Basil didn't run away? Why was Marigold just sleeping now when it was probably what Basil needed?]
I know I'm not good enough to be of much help but... I'm here. And I swear there is nothing you could say or do that will- [Make him hate Basil? He thought he did, he thought he was angry before the other appeared in the labyrinth but as soon as he spotted him... no, that was far too direct.] change how I feel about you.
( It's hard to breathe right now. The more Kel pushes, the more he wants to run away. Could he be forgiven, after what he's done? Would things have been different if they had been dealt with differently? It's too late to do anything now.
He takes another step back, and his knees feel weak. He closes his eyes tightly, a hand moving to his chest - gripping clothing tightly.
He doesn't want Kel to blame himself. He doesn't want Kel to hate him or Sunny. )
I... I can't... Please... Please understand.
( There's desperation in the way he's looking at Kel. Basil is terrified. )
[How. How does he get the message across. This time he's not backing away, he cannot make Basil run away as well, not when... not when he doesn't know if the other has a safety net. Not when he doesn't know what is going on. Not when he doesn't trust either him or Sunny not to hurt themselves.
And he just told him Sunny will get hurt.
He takes a step forward. He needs deniability, in case the situation gets out of control, but he needs to be honest. Or, at least, be honest for]
Basil. Breathe wit me.
[Another attempt. Thank god Kel can repress his own emotions for the sake of others decently enough. Even if he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know what to do. This is not the face of someone who'd try to murder another, at least, so what the hell even happened in that bathroom? He'll cry about it later.]
Whatever you're thinking, I'm not leaving. I'm not going to let you spiral on your own. I know you're scared, but I've seen you at your worst. I've seen Sunny at his worst. And I refuse to let either of you go.
( Basil closes his eyes then. He wants to believe Kel. Right now, their friendship is thing he feels like he's become a part of his life he can count on. For a long time, he's felt alone...
He brings his hands to his eyes, covering them to quickly hide the tears that were starting to fall. He doesn't want Kel to see him cry, he doesn't want to break down in front of him.
He's trying to breathe, taking in a shaky breath with Kel.
Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Everything--
[Is this... an opening? He should smile, reassure, but he can't bring himself to, not now. He breathes with Basil, taking it all in, then slowly lets it all out with the other. He doesn't want to see the other completely lose it, he wants to be able to contain the problems, but Basil-
Basil looks like he's been holding back things for so long.
Who the hell knows what happened that day, but Kel isn't blind to the weight on the other's shoulders. Perhaps, just perhaps, he should allow the other to let himself go, to let tears flow out. Yes, things are going to be complicated once this is over,the conversation definitely caused a shift in their friendship but-]
Never, Basil. I'm never leaving, that's a promise.
[He attempts to close the distance between them. He held Sunny at some point, he held Aubrey- and their reactions were quite different. He doesn't know how Basil will react if he tries to embrace him, but he will still go for it, trying to be delicate as possible.]
Everything will be okay, even if you can't see it yet. But... let yourself fall apart for tonight. Cry. Allow me to hold your pieces together as long as it will be needed.
( They have a lot to talk about, and Basil will beat himself up later for the conversation straying from the topic of Kel. With everything that was said, everything shifted, and just sort of escalated from there. He breathes with Kel, his heartbeat beginning to slow -- but still constricting all the same. Nothing
When Kel makes that promise -- when he steps closer to him -- he can't help but feel that fear fill him once more, Basil taking in a breath when he feels those arms around him. He freezes for a moment before he returns the motion, fingers clinging to clothing tightly.
A choked sob escapes him, and he buries his head into his shoulder. He's been holding things back for so long. He hasn't wanted to let go. He knows that he's needed to keep things together. )
[He prefers it this way, Kel doesn't want to be coddled, held, supported- his shoulders are large, he can carry his own burdens and his friends' ones if he wants. He's stable, more than the rest, Without Hero- and even with Hero after the truth comes out, he has to do his best to be the emotionally stable one. Even when it sucks.
Even when putting on a smile is the most difficult thing in the world.
But he does, should the other decide to look up- Kel must make sure he's greeted by a reassuring smile. One hand is raised to caress Basil's back- good. Let it all out. It hurts to see him like this but it's still better than- no, not thinking about that now.
He doesn't even know what to say, so for once he chooses silence to give Basil a chance to cry his heart out if needed, silently offering support through contact and closeness.]
( Basil's body shakes against Kel. It's been so much. For the first time in so long.... he hasn't felt alone. It takes a moment before Basil lets himself go, sniffling before the tears begin to fall, one by one.
Kel's so warm, and his embrace is so gentle. How could someone not feel comforted by it? It'd be difficult to push himself away at this point in time. The thought is a little scary, but... he wants to let himself depend on him.
He'll apologize later. He feels bad, worrying his friend like this. He... wants to make sure that Kel will be alright, too. )
[To think Kel is so glad the focus is away from him, there's nothing for Basil to apologize about. If anything, he'll be glad this conversation happened to begin with, at least to some degree, because while seeing any of his friends hurt like this was hell... this was progress, right? This was actually a step forward... right?
Basil crying didn't solve the 'Sunny' issue, nor did anything to fix Kel's nerves, but it gave him hope that it helped his friend know there was support, that he wasn't alone.
Kel turned just slightly, resting his cheek on the top of the other one's head. Give him and Aubrey a chance, you two...]
You know, it takes a lot of bravery to show one's feelings...
[No compliments, no condescending tone, but he's not letting go and he's trying to make sure the other knows right now there is no negative judging on his part, none at all.]
( Basil shakes against him, his grip tightening - as though if he lets go now, Kel will disappear. Was being able to let himself go really something brave? He feels far more fragile than he ever did.
He wants to respond, but it's difficult -- between the quiet sobs and the shaking, he can't. It takes a moment for him to calm himself down enough to speak. It's a little muffled, and he hasn't released his grip just yet. )
K... Kel... What you said earlier--
Can we... Can we talk for a while...? Is that really alright? ( All of this has already been so much. He doesn't want to ask more of him if he isn't ready for it. )
[Kel thinks it's really brave to cry. To allow themselves to be fragile in front of others, most people, himself include, don't want others to see their weaknesses.. He doesn't let go and holds the other close, merely shifting a bit when Basil's cat approaches, brushing himself against the gardener's legs. He wants to help too, it seems. Good Marigold. Because he needs something else to think about, too.
He doesn't want to talk about any of this anymore, he wants to move on, back to pretend everything was fine, but he took a big step with Basil and there is no coming back. He lifts up his bandaged hand and ruffles the other's hair in an affectionate manner, warm smile still not leaving his face. He wants to be left alone and find a place for himself-]
We can. We can talk about anything you want. Just... don't push yourself, mh? We can take all the breaks you need, shed all the tears you need to get outside and I will make sure to remind you at every step that everything will be okay.
( Basil finally pulls away then, using his hands to wipe away any remaining tears. He's a little bit embarrassed to cry in front of someone, but... he doesn't regret it, either. It was something he needed. )
Thank you, really. But--
K... Kel... If there's something on your mind... We can help each other. In the past, we used to rely on each other, didn't we...?
( Hesitantly, he reaches for that bandaged hand. He wants to take it into his. If... it's alright with Kel.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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A part of him wonders if he should go ahead and drink his potion. Even if he's given offensive magic, there's still a possibility that he might be able to heal others; just like Aubrey and Sunny.
He shakes his head, eyes never leaving the bandages. ) I... I want to help, Kel... I'm here for you. You said that we're friends... didn't you...?
Friends help each other.
( Why was Kel so insistent that Basil not do anything? It's like he's being careful not to bother him in the slightest. But, Basil isn't glass. He's not going to break if he asks him for something. )
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The sooner is done, the sooner they can move on with the night. But asil's words fill his heart with guilt and tension, when he speaks again there's just the smallest hint of tension in it.]
Of course we're friends. As long as you'll want us to be, I'll never, ever stop being your friend, Basil.
Friends do, you're right, I just... [Things hurt. He made Sunny cry at his birthday. God knows how his friendship with Aubrey even is at this point. In a certain sense, Basil's friendship is almost the most comforting thing he has right now. Home doesn't feel empty, at least, when Basil and Marigold are there at the end of the day, it's nice to have someone to cook for and- if he opened up? He can't imagine Basil staying. Then again... friends don't lie to each other as well. Yet their entire friend group is full of lies, full of secrets- Kel and Hero pretend they're okay, Aubrey never really shows her own feelings and when it comes to Sunny and Basil... Shit, he can't be like them, he owes asil at least some kind of vague explanation. The other is always so kind to him...] I've been a bit distracted, lately. Which means I've been a bit more incident prone. It's just... so embarrassing?
I'm the sports guy, I shouldn't keep messing up this kind of things, at least.
[Yeah. That's totally the problem there.]
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He listens quietly. Basil's always wanted to be there for his friends, but all the moreso now. Like Kel, their friendship is the most comforting thing. It's given him hope -- that things can be better - that they can have what they did years ago.
Brows knit together, and he doesn't respond right away. He's started to wrap his hand. )
Did... something happen after Sunny's birthday party....? ( He asks quietly, softly. He's notice the air growing more tense, but he's not quite sure why. )
Y... You can tell me. Sunny used to listen to me when I was upset, and... it always made me feel better, back then.
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He... really is bad at this lying thing, huh? Sunny probably noticed Kel can't really be himself around him as well, but- he doesn't know what else to do. So he... smiles, closing his eyes. He can at least be sincere about something, hopefully it will be enough to make the other feel like it's- he doesn't know, like that's the only issue.]
Yeah... I had a fight with him. But he also asked me not to tell anyone what that was about so... I can't really say much. Sorry.
[That's totally the only issue. Nothing else.]
I just don't really want to end fighting you guys, I love you all too much, but I also come from the future you guys still have to see, so... huh... I guess I should have chosen my words better? But, really, once Sunny will feel like talking I'm sure we'll fix it!
[How do you fix heartbreak? Because that's what Kel feels right now, not a feeling dissimilar he believes he'd have if it was Hero he hurt in such a way. How can you be a real friend if every time you talk others get upset?]
Sorry for worrying you, Basil. You're super sweet and I'm just acting like a kid right now.
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A fight.... He knows how difficult it can be when friends fight. He can only imagine that it's more painful when it's someone like Sunny. Sunny who... shut himself away from everyone for so long. )
... Yeah. ( He hopes that Sunny won't wait. Maybe... Maybe Kel will approach him first, instead. ) I'm... I'm sorry, Kel. Fighting with friends hurts... But, it's been so long since all of us were together like this. I think it's something that's made him happier here. And, Sunny loves both you and Aubrey. I'm sure that he knows that you feel that way, too...
( Basil shakes his head. )
You never have to apologize for talking to me. I'm happy that we can talk like this...
( Still, something about what he says feels off. )
But -- uhm... Didn't you say that things were better in the future...?
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He loves you too, Basil. I know that as much. Sadly, huh... I think I shouldn't have mentioned home. In the end it was all my fault. I just... I just hope he'stalking with Aubrey about it, at least, not bottling things up.
[His lips turn into a thin line as Basil speaks again. He glances away, unable to hold his gaze. They are better, in a sense. Sunny has been honest, he wants to believe Aubrey and Hero will also forgive the two, the healing process possibly started after so much pain but-
Fuck it, Aubrey already knows.]
That doesn't mean we didn't hit rock bottom before things got better, Basil. I think it'sone of the things that... I don't think I- I don't think I've been acting very natural around him since I arrived here because I know there is still a lot he has to go through back home.
I... huh... I don't think I can say much more without hurting you, though. I want you to know that things can and will get better, not how many times we still have to stumble and fall before we get there. Just-
[He pulls one hand back, the one Basil isn't currently working on, and pats it against his chest, not caring if his shirt gets stained in blood.]
No matter what happens, no matter what you guys say or do, I'm going to stay loyal to you all. When I say I love you, I really mean it, Basil. We're family, to me, even if we're not related by blood.
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( That... That hasn't changed about her. It's something that Basil's discovered not to long ago.
He finishes securing the bandage around his hand before gently releasing it, brows knitting together when Kel speaks gain.
What... What could have happened...? He thought it was strange. Sunny nearly had a break down when Basil had arrived, like something horrible had happened at home. And now with the way that Kel is speaking... His heart sinks, a feeling of dread forming in the pit of his stomach. )
... What... What happened...? Did something happen to Sunny...?
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I mean, they're together, so I expect her to take good care of him. And he has the two of us, too, even if- I mean, I don't care if he doesn't talk to me anymore, I'm still doing my best for him as I can.
[Fuck it, if he can't be a good friend, it's good to know Sunny has people he can rely on. He will get things ready for his friends in other ways, somehow. He's talking with Crowley about food stashes, he's talking with Eren about supplies, he's training so hard and he's working with others to- he wouldn't try half as hard if it was just him in Somnius.
One hand is wrapped, the other is not, but right now he's pulling them back against his own chest. If Basil knows, at least a little, will that... diminish the chances of things going wrong? It won't ease the horrible, horrible feeling in his chest when he sees the two of them near each other, but... maybe it will help them?
In the end, he just nods. When he speaks again, his voice is unusually quiet, it's even cracking as he tries to keep his tone neutral. He's just not strong enough to remember Sunny's state and not feel... overwhelmed.]
Very much so. He- I- [He brings his hands forward just a little, but in his mind they're covered now in the blood of someone else.] I don't think I'm... I don't even know where to begin. But things got better, then. He got better. And he's still in Faraway, too!
[Because he was too hurt to move away, he doesn't know how things will go from there.]
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He feels the way his stomach twists a bit. Being the last one to know confirms how distant he's become with everyone, but he manages a (nervous) smile all the same. )
O... Oh... They're together...? That's... I'm happy for them...
( He takes a breath, quickly pushing his own feelings aside. He feels the familiar temptation to run away and lock himself away, but he wants to focus on Kel more than anything else. )
I'm... I'm sure that Aubrey will help. You've been doing your best Kel... W-We all know that you have.
( What Kel says next only causes more confusion than anything else, but some mild relief as well. What did he mean? Wasn't he moving away? What could have happened to cause him to stay? )
... He isn't moving? B... But, I don't understand... If he isn't leaving, then... Why...?
( It doesn't make sense. Nothing that Kel's told him makes sense. He's trying to slow his heartbeat - trying not to panic from imagining what scenarios could make him stay. )
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But he can see that smile and he knows it's not natural and-- he's been there to see you pretend to be okay for three days, Basil, he relived those days over and over in his head ab nauseam trying to think of all the things he missed.
He can't help Aubrey, he can't help Sunny, he can at least try to help Basil since this is all hurting already? He lifts his bandaged hand up, trying to caress his cheek.]
Basil? No fake smiles for now if we're trying to be honest, okay? You don't have to play pretend with me. But, yes. They both have two partners, they may get more... I just don't really- get it, I guess?
[The more he spends with Basil, the more he's convinced that Sunny must have instigated whatever happened in that bathroom.]
We all take care of each other. We all are important to each other. We alll will take care of each other, okay? You also tried your best, Basil, I know that. Just because I'm not- I'm not blind, I can see your efforts.
[And the last part is the more difficult one to admit.]
We... huh.... [Maruki and Hero both taught him the importance of breathing. He offers both hands to the other, palms turned up.] Before I continue we need to calm down, okay? Breathe with me. And think about how much you want to know because it's... not easy. And I don't want to hurt you, but this will.
[He's ready to breathe with him, if needed, unless Basil rejects the attempt]
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Two? Was Sunny dating more than one person? He doesn't understand it either, but ultimately... Basil just wants his friends to be happy. They've all been trying so hard to cope with everything back at home... )
N... No! I--
( He takes a step back. His efforts? Has he done anything for anyone here? It feels like the more he reaches, the more distant he's become from the others. He feels helpless.
I don't want to hurt you. He feels weak. He's scared to know the answer. Things already felt at their worst at home. How could things be alright after what Kel just eluded to? )
S-Sorry... I'm... I'm not feeling well.
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Basil. Look at me. I get it, I'm also not well because I am afraid for you guys, but look at us. We're here, we're friends we're together and even if it's true home still has a lot of shit for you guys- I am the living proof that everything will be okay.
[It's a lie, he is afraid of home, he is afraid of everything. But Basil doesn't have to know how deep Kel's issues are, he's the ohoh fun guy and that's how it should have stayed for them.
Still, they're here, they're trying to communicate and-]
I've seen you do this before. If we're not feeling well we can even take all night long. Small bites. But please, please don't lock me out. I've been there and it's horrible and I- I don't want you to feel- [cornered? Alone? What the even was in Basil's head back home? He has no idea. like this again.
[He shouldn't have talked. Every time he does that he hurts someone.]
Listen to me: Sunny is okay. He got up, he got better, he's still with us and we are even closer than before. Just because things can get ugly, it doesn't mean they can't get better. I promise you, all that awaits you is a lot of people who love you unconditionally. I just see that- you, Sunny, Aubrey, you can't see that yet.
Please, don't push me away...
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He had repeated those thoughts in his head during sleepless nights and he told himself that it'd be fine, he could carry this alone if he had to. Because Sunny wasn't there. But, he was coping with it in his own way. Basil couldn't blame him for that. None of this was his fault. It was something. Something was always there with him, causing them both pain. If it weren't for that, then things would still be alright. )
I--
( He takes another step back. If things were alright, why was he afraid? )
I.... I know that you want to help, but --
( Can't tell you. I can't talk to you about this. )
I promise-- I... I'm okay. Please... Please, don't worry.
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He got a master degree in being a terrible friend and he didn't even have to attend college to begin with. What a wonderful and unique way to beat Hero in something for once.
Kel didn't step forward, he knew his build could be intimidating at the moment, but...]
But I know you're not, Basil. Not yet, at least.
[Was he supposed to reach for him? to get in the way to make sure Basil didn't run away? Why was Marigold just sleeping now when it was probably what Basil needed?]
I know I'm not good enough to be of much help but... I'm here. And I swear there is nothing you could say or do that will- [Make him hate Basil? He thought he did, he thought he was angry before the other appeared in the labyrinth but as soon as he spotted him... no, that was far too direct.] change how I feel about you.
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He takes another step back, and his knees feel weak. He closes his eyes tightly, a hand moving to his chest - gripping clothing tightly.
He doesn't want Kel to blame himself. He doesn't want Kel to hate him or Sunny. )
I... I can't... Please... Please understand.
( There's desperation in the way he's looking at Kel. Basil is terrified. )
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And he just told him Sunny will get hurt.
He takes a step forward. He needs deniability, in case the situation gets out of control, but he needs to be honest. Or, at least, be honest for]
Basil. Breathe wit me.
[Another attempt. Thank god Kel can repress his own emotions for the sake of others decently enough. Even if he doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know what to do. This is not the face of someone who'd try to murder another, at least, so what the hell even happened in that bathroom? He'll cry about it later.]
Whatever you're thinking, I'm not leaving. I'm not going to let you spiral on your own. I know you're scared, but I've seen you at your worst. I've seen Sunny at his worst. And I refuse to let either of you go.
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He brings his hands to his eyes, covering them to quickly hide the tears that were starting to fall. He doesn't want Kel to see him cry, he doesn't want to break down in front of him.
He's trying to breathe, taking in a shaky breath with Kel.
Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Everything--
His next words are said quietly. )
Please.
P... Please... Please, don't leave.
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Basil looks like he's been holding back things for so long.
Who the hell knows what happened that day, but Kel isn't blind to the weight on the other's shoulders. Perhaps, just perhaps, he should allow the other to let himself go, to let tears flow out. Yes, things are going to be complicated once this is over,the conversation definitely caused a shift in their friendship but-]
Never, Basil. I'm never leaving, that's a promise.
[He attempts to close the distance between them. He held Sunny at some point, he held Aubrey- and their reactions were quite different. He doesn't know how Basil will react if he tries to embrace him, but he will still go for it, trying to be delicate as possible.]
Everything will be okay, even if you can't see it yet. But... let yourself fall apart for tonight. Cry. Allow me to hold your pieces together as long as it will be needed.
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When Kel makes that promise -- when he steps closer to him -- he can't help but feel that fear fill him once more, Basil taking in a breath when he feels those arms around him. He freezes for a moment before he returns the motion, fingers clinging to clothing tightly.
A choked sob escapes him, and he buries his head into his shoulder. He's been holding things back for so long. He hasn't wanted to let go. He knows that he's needed to keep things together. )
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Even when putting on a smile is the most difficult thing in the world.
But he does, should the other decide to look up- Kel must make sure he's greeted by a reassuring smile. One hand is raised to caress Basil's back- good. Let it all out. It hurts to see him like this but it's still better than- no, not thinking about that now.
He doesn't even know what to say, so for once he chooses silence to give Basil a chance to cry his heart out if needed, silently offering support through contact and closeness.]
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Kel's so warm, and his embrace is so gentle. How could someone not feel comforted by it? It'd be difficult to push himself away at this point in time. The thought is a little scary, but... he wants to let himself depend on him.
He'll apologize later. He feels bad, worrying his friend like this. He... wants to make sure that Kel will be alright, too. )
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Basil crying didn't solve the 'Sunny' issue, nor did anything to fix Kel's nerves, but it gave him hope that it helped his friend know there was support, that he wasn't alone.
Kel turned just slightly, resting his cheek on the top of the other one's head. Give him and Aubrey a chance, you two...]
You know, it takes a lot of bravery to show one's feelings...
[No compliments, no condescending tone, but he's not letting go and he's trying to make sure the other knows right now there is no negative judging on his part, none at all.]
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He wants to respond, but it's difficult -- between the quiet sobs and the shaking, he can't. It takes a moment for him to calm himself down enough to speak. It's a little muffled, and he hasn't released his grip just yet. )
K... Kel... What you said earlier--
Can we... Can we talk for a while...? Is that really alright? ( All of this has already been so much. He doesn't want to ask more of him if he isn't ready for it. )
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He doesn't want to talk about any of this anymore, he wants to move on, back to pretend everything was fine, but he took a big step with Basil and there is no coming back. He lifts up his bandaged hand and ruffles the other's hair in an affectionate manner, warm smile still not leaving his face. He wants to be left alone and find a place for himself-]
We can. We can talk about anything you want. Just... don't push yourself, mh? We can take all the breaks you need, shed all the tears you need to get outside and I will make sure to remind you at every step that everything will be okay.
I'm yours for as long as you will need me, mh?
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Thank you, really. But--
K... Kel... If there's something on your mind... We can help each other. In the past, we used to rely on each other, didn't we...?
( Hesitantly, he reaches for that bandaged hand. He wants to take it into his. If... it's alright with Kel.
He smiles at Marigold, who meows quietly. )
Marigold wants to help, too.
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cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
Re: cw thoughts of suicide, hallucinations, mental illness
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BIG SUICIDE CW
OH BOI
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